Off topic slightly, but several others have been...
Not quite asking out, but wishing now that I should have... After a monumentally shit year, I had been disowned by half my family, and thrown out of my childhood home, simply for siding with my father after my parents divorced, had a spectacularly messy split up with my then girlfriend of 2 years, as she just couldn't keep her pants up, and failed my college course, I just stopped caring. I hardly went out, lost contact with most of my friends, life barely seemed living any more.

After being like this for nearly 18 months, I was chatting to one of my few remaining friends on MSN, and he invites me to join in a group conversation with a girl he was interested in. We all chat away, things are going well, although I have most of my attention on the TV, and a private window pops up from this girl, who I shall call ‘B’.

She says that my friend, ‘D’ is starting to bore her, amongst other things, but as we seem to have a lot in common, she’d like to keep the conversation going without him. I agree, purely at the time because she is incredibly smart, and we have a similar sense of humour, despite being in totally different social groups (i.e., whilst I’m lurking in a darkened room most of the time, in true Quasimodo style, minus the hump, she is more akin to Isabella, beautiful and never short of male attention.)

Weeks become months, MSN moves on to texting, and we get closer and closer. I start to look forward to waking up, so that we can talk again. Eventually, to my surprise; she asks if I’d like to meet up, as we live less than a mile apart. I stare at the message, reading and re-reading, wondering if I’m asleep, or if this is a joke of some kind. I reply to her message, agreeing that I’d like to meet up. We decide to just go for a walk the following day, and enjoy the quiet autumn evening together. Our plans made, I call it a night, wish her sweet dreams, and head to bed.

The morning comes, and when I wake, the first thing that surprises me is that it’s still rather dark outside. For the first time in almost 2 years, I’ve woken up at a nearly sensible time, without my dad jokingly throwing water over me! I get some breakfast, and eat it watching the sun rise over the fields to the back of my dad’s house. The day drags on and on, the sun slowly rises, and just as slowly starts to set, until finally, it’s time to set off to meet B.

I dig out my favourite coat, and head off down the road, actually starting to feel nervous. As I round the corner of B’s road, my heart sinks. She’s not there. I’ve been stood up. Part of me is not surprised, as if deep down, I was expecting it. I decide to wait, just in case, even though I’m mocking myself for actually daring to think things could turn out right for once.

After what seems like hours, although my watch insists it’s just minutes, my phone goes off with a text message, B’s parents have gone out, and her sister doesn’t want her going far, although we can just hang around the corner near her house. I agree, I mean, just to see her and talk would be more than enough.
I get a reply back saying she’ll be out in a minute or two, these drag by, until B appears from the side of her house. As she passes under the streetlight, time literally seems to stop. All my senses stop caring about the world and everything in it, except for this vision of beauty walking towards me. Godzilla could be fisting King Kong behind me, and I wouldn’t have noticed.

Unfortunately, time decided it couldn’t hang around forever, and B continued walking towards me. We awkwardly greeted each other, and as it wasn’t the warmest of nights, I offered my coat to keep her that bit warmer. We started talking like old friends reunited, and deep down, I felt a connection like nothing I’d ever felt, and will never feel again. Even now, 4 years after that night, I still would gladly offer my life to keep her safe, without hesitation.

As the night wound on, we found ourselves holding each other, talking about our past and present, something that even now I find extremely difficult to do. As I stared down at her, held tightly in my arms, bathed in the moon’s silvery glow, her beautiful brown eyes looking back up at me, I had an overwhelming urge to kiss her. Even though I was unsure if I should, what B would think of me if I did, the urge was so strong, I just had to.

Slowly, I lifted my hand up, and brushed several loose strands of hair away from her face, feeling the warmth of her soft skin, and tentatively lowered my head to gently kiss her, amazed at how right even such brief contact felt, on such a basic level. Pulling back slightly, our eyes locked, and after just a second, I went to kiss her again, with B mirroring my movements to my surprise, starting a slow, but passionate kiss. I could feel her breath lightly on my face, her heartbeat quickening, and every point of contact between us, no matter how small.

After a long moment of bliss, we separated, and went back to holding each other, just enjoying the closeness, not saying anything for a while.

After several long hours, and well into the next morning, we reluctantly parted. When I got home, and climbed into bed, I slept fitfully, my sleep filled with dreams of B. I realised I’d fallen madly in love with her, but as I knew that things in her life were awkward, didn’t tell her. We continued to text, and talk on MSN whenever possible, and met a couple more times since then, still very close, but I still hadn’t admitted the depth of my feelings for her.

As time passed, we lost contact, I’m not sure how, and I met the woman I’m now married to. I have never told her anything about B, as far as she knows, B doesn’t exist. My memories of B have never faded; I can still remember the scent of her skin today. After several years of no contact, whilst checking an old, defunct email account, I found an email from B in amongst the Spam emails, apologising for the lack of contact, but hoping to start talking again. I replied, explaining that I was now married, but I would be more than happy to start talking again.

We met up one night, and went for a drive, as whilst we had been talking, we had both noticed the tension between us, and decided to meet to talk face-to-face, and clear the air. Unfortunately, rather than clearing the air, it increased the tension, so much so you’d need a chainsaw to cut it, as I admitted my feelings for her, how they had only got stronger as time passed, but I didn’t want to tell her, as I didn’t want to add more confusion to her life back then.

B then admitted that she felt the same, but didn’t want to say anything for the same reasons, I was having a lot of family trouble, and that she was still nursing strong feelings for me. Through sheer force of will, it was all I could do not to kiss her there and then, and promise that things would work out fine, as I knew they wouldn’t. I would drive her home, and she would go back to her life, and I would go home to my marriage, knowing that although I love my wife, the feelings will never come close to the feelings I have for B. I have never cheated in my life, but help me God; I have never been so tempted to just pack a bag and runaway with B to start a new life...

Sorry for the lack of humour, and/or sense... Alcohol does this to me.
(AQ, Mon 1 Sep 2008, 23:51, 4 replies)

Wow. You're amazing for not giving into the temptation.

Have a click, my friend.
(I've got the clap has some cool sentence here, Tue 2 Sep 2008, 0:24, closed)

Ah, the old human failing
that the grass is always greener on the other side.

I do have sympathy for you, but looking at this as a complete outsider, you lived less than a mile from each other, you hadn't any other people in your life at the time, you had every means of communication at your disposal and yet still in "real life" you drifted apart.

If you're not going to spend a long long time torturing yourself about this (and sadly, from personal experience, longing for "the one who got away" can last for many years) you have to coldly examine why, despite physical proximity, you drifted apart after only a few meetings.

Possibly because it was never "in real life" going to work. Fantasy life of course this seems different, but if your feelings in real life had been as strong as you say (and they had been reciprocated), you wouldn't have drifted apart, you would have become closer.

I'm not saying marriage is for life (although of course it should be, ideally) but you risk losing the reality you have now for a myth if you think about anything other than B that if it should have happened, it would have happened. Sorry, I'm sure that's not what you want to hear, and I'm not preaching here as much as trying to save you from spending years missing something that never was. Hope it all works out for you.
( I_Was_Mordred, Tue 2 Sep 2008, 0:25, closed)

*click*
I agree with the above, well done for staying faithful, can't have been easy.

Although the click is for " Godzilla could be fisting King Kong behind me, and I wouldn't have noticed"

Hehe
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 2 Sep 2008, 9:06, closed)

please insert paragraph breaks
looks an interesting tale but i just cant see it.
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Wed 3 Sep 2008, 13:01, closed)