Killer crisps and zombie chicken
Years ago I worked in an office where we got paid little and drank a lot. This didn't leave much disposable cash for rent or food, so we all lived in hovels and scavenged whateer sustenance we could. Once upon a time, and for complicated reasons, we took delivery of several pallets of Flamin' Hot Monster Munch with nowhere to go. This was a brand new invention in them days, and we all tucked in to this trendy new snack with gusto.

But there was something strange about them. Something none of us could put out collective finger on. It was while opening my fifth or ninth packet of the morning one day when I realised what it was – they smell like spunky tissues. Seriously, go and buy a pack now, and inhale the air from the bag. Go on. I'll wait.

See? Spunky tissues. Obviously, I couldn't wait to share my eureka moment, yelling 'spunky tissues!' across the office. Needless to say, once I explained the nuances of my Unified Monster Munch-Jizzrag Theory, this put people off eating Flamin' Hot Monster Munch after that (the office was a regular sausage farm with a somewhat homophobic atmosphere).
Me and one other guy continued to live on the remaining boxes and boxes of the not-especially-monstrous snacks until they were well past date, despite someone making a joke about us liking eating spunky tissues every single time we opened a pack. And now every time I wank, I want a bag of crisps.

A few months after that, we had some new computers delivered. I thought tthe plastic chips they were packed with looked like Wotsits, but everyone said they were plastic. So I ate one. It tasted like an unflavoured Wotsit. So i ate a load more. Again, I lived off those for at least a fortnight, grabbing a handful whenever I got peckish at my desk. I wouldn't allow the handyman to take away the box because he was 'stealing the food out of my mouth'.
Nowadays, I'm pretty sure they will have chemically treated those packing Wotsits to make them safe for computers, so Zod knows what hilarious effects I'll experience in the future. I've got my money on 'beneficial mutations' and I'd rather no one told me any different.

We also used to eat Popcorn Chicken – not the nice meat-y stuff you get now, but all the bits of Colonel-coated gizzard and connective tissue and eye you used to get when they first tried it in the UK. It cost something like £1.50 for a big box full, and even though we were clinically malnourished, it was A BIg Deal when one of us (me again) actually finished the whole thing.
(electricteeth, Fri 15 Apr 2011, 12:45, 3 replies)

*click* for -
And now every time I wank, I want a bag of crisps. It's fortunate it's not the other way round you might get barred from a few pubs.
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Fri 15 Apr 2011, 15:38, closed)

True
But it would save me a fortune in Viagra prescriptions.
(electricteeth, Fri 15 Apr 2011, 18:01, closed)

Haha!

(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 9:44, closed)