hunger most fowl. (sorry)
As a skint student, left with the choice between beer and food one Friday night, I did the obvious thing and chose beer. It was a good choice until I got home, starving, having not been able to afford my favoured Abdul's Kebab (I was back in Manchester last summer, Abdul's is still going strong and still does the best kebab's in the country, I strongly recommended them) and went to the fridge to see what I could rustle up. There, in front of me, next to my kwik Save sausage roll and empty ketchup bottle that I was still rinsing with vinegar to get the last few drops from, was a huge, golden, succulent roast chicken, with what looked like it must have been just two or three slices having been already eaten. I reasoned that whichever of my flatmates has cooked it wouldn't miss one more slice and it was just too tempting for hungry, salivating me to pass up. I grabbed the knife from the draining board and set about cutting myself one thin, tasty slice. Only I hacked at it a bit and it was too obvious, so it needed tidying up, and anyway, I could just eat the extra bits. Whcih I did, but all I had managed to do was spark my hunger. So to hell with it, I thought, I can always just deny all knowldege, and anyway, he won't mind if I just nick a leg, surely? only, it wasn't just a leg in the end, and by the time I was done I was left with a slimey, picked clean plate of chicken skin and bone. Which for some reason, i decided to put back in the fridge. My plan of utter denial made sense in my drunken state and I toddled off to bed, satisfied and sleepy.

Faced with my flat mate the next morning, I denied everything, saying that we'd all been out separately the night before and it could have been anyone. And I may have gotten away with it, but as I went to unlock the door, I couldn't find my keys. Only to hear a jingling sound and turn round to my flatmate hanging them by his fingers and saying 'Looking for these? They were on the plate in the fridge'.

I'm a criminal mastermind, me.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 9:18, 3 replies)

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahhahahaha
Good work!
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 11:03, closed)

Why the fuck didn't you eat the skin?
It's the best bit in my opinion.
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 11:11, closed)

A veritable Moriarty!
click
(sarcastic fringehead feet of clay, buns of steel, head of lettuce, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 11:23, closed)