Wanking aside,
I generally spit in the loo when I'm having a piss and always press the lever before I finish and end up racing the flush.

When people ask directions, but don't say "please" I reply:
"I am sorry, but if you cannot afford me the common decency of saying 'please' then I am afraid I cannot accommodate you.", tipping my hat and wandering away. (I sometimes do this even if they have said please)

Climbing over cars who stop on Zebra crossings

Pulling up in the car, calling people over to ask directions and then showing them the stuffed gorilla and saying "I've got a gorilla"

Loudly saying "you're welcome" to anyone who doesn't say "thank you". This has only once turned into a confrontation, thus:

He(irate): "What did you say?"
Me: "I said 'You're welcome'"
He(irate): "Why did you say that?"
Me: "Because you said 'thank you'"
He: "I didn't say 'Thank you'"
Me(camp):"How rude!"

I like to write long, boring posts, just so that people have to read all the way through them to realise that they are dull (I don't know you, why should I care if you think I'm funny?)

Oh, and I'm habitually cruel to animals.
( Lord Manley of Ven www.justgiving.com/manley - please?, Wed 13 Apr 2005, 12:46, Reply)