This QOTW has given me an idea
Now, I've been drunk enough to watch late-night Live Poker on Channel 5, and I was so bladdered I found it riveting. I was on the edge of my seat, gasping in horror when someone went up against pocket aces, hiding behind my hands when a player was all in, biting my nails as the river card was turned...

I enjoyed it so much I watched it the next night, stone-cold sober. My God, it was fucking dull! Just people playing cards, all night. Barely talking. Hardly moving. Dull. Dull. Dull.

They could liven it up so easily. For example, how about having a midget in a clown suit run on, and start dancing - and everyone just ignores him and keeps on playing cards, like nothing is happening. All the drunk people would be sitting at home, thinking, "What the fuck? Why is there a midget dancing? Why is no-one noticing him? Am I seeing this? Did someone put something in my fucking drink? WHY IS THERE A FUCKING MIDGET?"

Then, the camera switches to one of the player's faces, the lights dim, and eerie music starts playing in the background. He looks directly down the lens, and whispers, "Watch out for the fairy king" then the camera zooms out, lights come up, and the game resumes like nothing happened. Now that is good television.

I've also wondered if it would be possible, upon winning the lottery (or bumping off a wealthy elderly relative) to buy ITV news for one night, completely rent the studio and staff, then run stories of your own choosing.

Bong

"The News at Ten - Madonna used to be a man!

It has been confirmed today that pop singer Madonna was born Barry George Johnstone, and underwent an extensive sex change operation in 1982 to become the Pop Princess we know today. Madonna was unavaliable for comment - Guy Ritchie is said to be devastated. More on that story later."

Bong

"The Pope has issued a statement, urging his followers, and I quote, 'Not to take all of this religion stuff so seriously. It's all just made-up nonsense anyway.' We'll have more on this after the weather..."

Then you could head down the pub the next night and see how many people are talking about it.

"Ere, d'you know that Madonna's a bloke?"

It would be fucking brilliant.
(Pavlov's Frog figures no-one really reads sigs anyway, Fri 22 Aug 2008, 1:22, 4 replies)

They should just do that anyway
They could employ the bloke who used to write man in the pub for Viz to do it.

"You know who played that sax solo on Baker Street? Only Bob Holness, straight up"
(Dangerous Disco Trev Isn't my real name, Fri 22 Aug 2008, 1:28, closed)

It would
never happen.

They'd never allow the news to be so factual.
(dchurch bah, Fri 22 Aug 2008, 7:36, closed)

Brass Eye?
Chris Morris may be interested to hear your ideas.
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Fri 22 Aug 2008, 10:20, closed)

Ah man
I'd love some more brass eye
(Evilweevil is covered in bees, Fri 22 Aug 2008, 13:33, closed)