Not sure if this counts, because I reckon loads of people do it secretly
Every so often, the various vulgarities of my diet can lead up to a certain amount of... lets just call it a build-up downstairs, which can be quite difficult to shift. So far so normal, happens to us all at some point or another. Bear with me while I describe the evacuation process.

It starts off normally enough, sitting on the crapper emptying my bowels. However, then I come across a problem - there's still some left, and it doesn't seem to be budging. Time for a good old-fashioned strain. I grit my teeth, settle in for the long all, and push with all my might.

Here's where it gets weird.

I somehow get it into my head that I'll be able to push harder if I take my shoes off, since they prevent me from clenching my toes. I don't know why I think clenching my toes is going to somehow magically make me push harder, I just do, and I'm not in the most rational from of mind at the moment, what with the blood-vessel-popping strain-age and so on.

So off come the shoes. What comes next is even weirder.

I somehow convince myself that all this straining is putting my shirt at risk, and that if I don't take it off, it'll split apart like in the old Incredible Hulk TV show. Can't have that. Off it comes.

Then I'm left with my trousers, underpants and socks all in the vicinity of my ankles. Trust me when I say you feel a bit of a prat looking like that, so it takes the work of mere moments to kick away my pants.

So that leaves my with just my socks. Nobody likes being naked EXCEPT for your socks, so off they come.

And so, now that I have disposed of all these deterrents, I can go back to the eye-watering, ear-popping strain of trying to finish my crap in peace. Or as close to peace as I can get in that situation.

Thing is, I reckon I'm not the only one who does this, I reckon there must be loads of people out there who do the same thing, but it's not exactly something you can ask in casual conversation. Anyone else with the same affliction out there? Speak up. We could have out own club. We could grab a beer or something. best if we skip the curry afterwards though, eh.
( Spunk Murphy Tchaikovsky is a synonym for fanny, apparently, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 6:06, 9 replies)

I can only...
Got for a no. 2 at home in my own bog and have to be fully naked before I start. Even if I'm desperate and about to go, I have to strip in a very uncomfortable 'hold it in' dance.
Just feels alien to be wearing clothes whilst going for a crap.
(Something funny, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 8:50, closed)

TBH
Sounds as though you have IBS and all that straining could produce chalfonts, I would see someone and get some meds for it. They are out there and they stop that last chunk from staying up there. A friend had a similar issue, hence my knowledge of this subject ;)
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 9:47, closed)

What
is a chalfont?
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 6:03, closed)

I have it on good authority....
That if you're like that, lean back as you're going. People tell me odd things sometimes...
( vix0r was not Matthew on, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 11:31, closed)

A guy I knew at uni could only do poos whilst naked.
He obviously got the nickname "the nakes poo". He was completely ambivalent to our goading about it, and maintained that it was perfectly normal.

It's not.
(The Kwyjibo A big, dumb, balding North American ape., Wed 7 Jul 2010, 11:59, closed)

I only do this at home
and only when I'm wasted and the combined effort of wearing clothes and taking a shit is likely to make me pass out.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 13:19, closed)

A friend at school once described his technique
for dealing with those difficult children that refuse to be dropped off at the pool.
It involved (whilst seated) bringing one foot up to rest on the seat and pulling his leg tight against his chest 'for leverage' whilst straining.
Not sure how this could be anything other than a rather odd placeboic laxative, but he swore by it!
(Bromley Daz, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 13:42, closed)

Well bringing both of them up to the seat would be squatting
and there's a much lower incidence of bowel troubles in places where the custom is to squat. It's because we evolved shitting that way, we only invented toilets.
(Arsenic, Fri 13 Jul, 2:73 and, Wed 7 Jul 2010, 15:18, closed)

Oh God
please don't ever be my patient!
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Thu 8 Jul 2010, 6:02, closed)