Heckling Jesus
One mid 90s Glastonbury I was wandering around the stalls near the big crossroady-type path when I noticed a small commotion approaching from the rear. Commotions are always worth having a look at there, so I stood among the onlookers to get a better view as it passed.

The commotion turned out to be some born-again group re-enacting (or so I've always assumed) the Stations Of The Cross around the site. A dozen or so outriders, swinging incense baskets, surrounded a suitably loinclothed and thorny-crowned Jesus who was dragging a very solid-looking wooden cross, straining with what must have been considerable effort (it looked like solid oak beams, none of your shit B&Q pine here, thank you).

I can't say I thought it particularly realistic, but they'd obviously put preparation and effort into it (and Jesus certainly seemed to be putting his back into it) so despite my disapproval of all things religious, I had to admit it seemed quite impressive.

Until, that is, a broad Welsh voice directly in front of me said loudly - 'Cheatin' bastard - he's gorra fuckin' wheel on the end!' And indeed, when I craned my neck over his shoulder to have a look, there was a metal bracket screwed onto the base of the cross to which was attached a small pram wheel.

Now I know the cross would have been heavy (it was solid oak, after all) but the sight of Jesus dragging his own instrument of death as sponsored by Mothercare was risible to say the least. The crowd must have agreed - their whole tone suddenly changed, from one of relatively neutral appreciation/interest to outright hostility.

My last memory, before I left the increasing shouts of 'Cheat' and wandered off for another spliff, was of Jesus' eyes flicking from side to side in no small degree of panic, no doubt wondering if his experience of the Crucifixion would become a bit too real for his liking.
(zebideedoodah likes florence but prefers venice, Fri 13 Jun 2014, 15:50, 11 replies)

Hm
the Jesus from my Glastonbury story below \/ had a wheel on his cross too. Coincidence? Conspiracy? You decide.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 13 Jun 2014, 15:55, closed)

All religion
is a conspiracy. Wonder if it was the same Jesus? There have been so many...
(zebideedoodah likes florence but prefers venice, Fri 13 Jun 2014, 16:00, closed)

All my Jesuses have diesel engines

(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Fri 13 Jun 2014, 16:01, closed)

I have the turbo version

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 13 Jun 2014, 16:06, closed)

Crossflow cylinder head?

(zebideedoodah likes florence but prefers venice, Fri 13 Jun 2014, 16:08, closed)

Sorry... I don't know any of the specifications,
I just know which pump I go to when I fill him up.
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Fri 13 Jun 2014, 16:11, closed)

The Jesus I talked to had a few cars.
I Ford pickup "for making money", a toyota compact "for collecting money" and a Lincoln Tonwcar "for spending money". Nice guy too -- Think I still owe him a drink. If you're even in need of a decent landscape gardener in Florida hit me up, OK bud?
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Fri 13 Jun 2014, 18:25, closed)

Heh
The fraud
( Harpago ¯\(°_o)/¯, Fri 13 Jun 2014, 16:09, closed)

Did Ezekiel notice?

( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Fri 13 Jun 2014, 16:25, closed)

Maybe it was so that he could take part in the Jew Dash.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 13 Jun 2014, 16:34, closed)

Is that Supermarket Sweep, in yiddish?

(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Fri 13 Jun 2014, 17:42, closed)