Kamlesh the SUPERSTUD
During my first year at Uni one of my housemates, Kamlesh, came out with a line that would dog him for the next three years. It's how he acquired his nickname, Superstud and - quite possibly - earned him the highest level of piss-taking that's ever occured in the entire history of the human race since we splurged out the sea somewhere on gloopy little leg-fins and collectively said: "Fuck this sea bollocks for a game of soliders, lets go and see what a fucking tree looks like!"

Sat round in the SU we were talking the usual utter girl-related shit. I'm explaining how its possible for a girl to have an inny and an outy nipple, one of each, and that the girl I copped off with the previous night was sporting this weird chestacular manifestation. I explained how it scared the living crap out of me.

Kamlesh pipes up: "Bollocks! No woman's got an inny and an outy!"

"Pray, do tell more, Kammy you cunt," I suggest.

"I'm a fucking superstud and I know that's not fucking possible!" said Kamlesh.

We gazed at him. It was a drink-stopping moment. Time almost stood still. Kamlesh was about eight stone, built like a stringy streak of piss, and had the worst mullet and prebubescent 'tash combination you'd ever see in your life. He looked like an emaciated Asian hillbilly.

"You're a superstud?" asked one of my other housemates incredulously.

"Yeah!" said Kamlesh. And then he did it. Then it came. The line. The sweet line. And Kamlesh's university life would never be the same again. It was like throwing raw meat to a pack of rabid lions. "I am a fuckin' superstud... my mum says so!!!"

It took a fraction of a second for this to sink in, then we burst out laughing. And Kamlesh spent the next three years trying to convince us that he had not, in point of fact and at some time in the past, fucked his own mother.
( SpankyHanky, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 17:04, 9 replies)

"Emaciated Asian hillbilly"
*wipes spray of tea from monitor*
*clicks*
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 10 Sep 2009, 18:04, closed)

^^^
Still laughing @ "emaciated Asian hillbilly" - **CLICK**
(3_on_a_meathook has room for one more., Fri 11 Sep 2009, 10:06, closed)

I liked the rabid lions bit
clicks
(Jelly God, Fri 11 Sep 2009, 9:22, closed)

Bizarrely
I think some relative of his may have been in my halls of residence; he insisted he had a big cock 'cos my sister's seen it, and she says it's massive innit'.
(berk, Fri 11 Sep 2009, 11:52, closed)

I
also knew a woman who had an inny and an outy, no amount of coaxing would bring it out, and i tried
(amazinglasercow now sporting terawatt mining lasers, Fri 11 Sep 2009, 12:47, closed)

If his mum told him
then it MUST be true! :o) excellent story and your mate really should have known better than to open his trap like that. Add another *click* to the collection, squire.
(RVD420 has his world coming down on, Sun 13 Sep 2009, 17:33, closed)

good heavens
I didnt know it was that common

Has an inny and an outy

but clicks for

'the highest level of piss-taking that's ever occured in the entire history of the human race since we splurged out the sea somewhere on gloopy little leg-fins and collectively said: "Fuck this sea bollocks for a game of soliders, lets go and see what a fucking tree looks like!"
(insomniac-surfer oh go on then, just this once, Mon 14 Sep 2009, 1:21, closed)

That sounds distinctly Douglas Adams.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 17 Sep 2009, 7:44, closed)

Me and my mates use this joke all the time
"Right I'm gonna chance that bird over there"
"Err fuck off she's way out your league"
"No way! I'm gorgeous! My mum said so!"
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Thu 17 Sep 2009, 11:11, closed)