If Catholicism is the one true religion, I'm fucked
Two years ago, I went for a trip around Europe, on a 18-35 holiday for people who hate dance music & sitting on the beach.

About half way through the trip, we were in Rome, home of the Colosseum, roman ruins and it's own Microstate, the Vatican City, the birthplace of Catholicism.

Now, if you've ever tried to get into the Vatican City, you'll know what an arse it is. There's a huge queue, with people who believe in this religion bollocks looking on death's door praying and begging outside it. Furthermore, I was called American by a guy with a gun, as some lying relgious cunt thought I pushed in.

Furthermore, one of the most gorgeous girls I had ever laid my eyes on, who was on the trip with us (friend of a friend), rejected my amorous advances the night before, so I was in a little of a bad mood, plus it was raining.

Eventually we got in, but I was miserable. It didn't help how pompous I thought the place was. I couldn't get out of my mind how many people had died to build this place, and the worst thing was that every 10 meters or so there was places you can buy souvenirs. I wasn't enjoying myself upto then.

We ended up in the Sistine Chapel, arguably one of the most holiest places in the world. It's also got a roof painted by Michaelangelo, which you probably have seen billions of time (Google "Flying Spaghetti Monster" for a picture). I thought "Well, there's picture of it sold outside as overpriced souvenirs, so I'm sure I can take a picture."

How wrong I was.

After taking a photo, I find my hand immediately behind my back, and some guy screaming Italian in here. I thought I was being mugged, so I automatically elbowed him in the face.

Turns out it was a Swiss Guard, the people appointed by the Pope to keep the city holy, and I had broken their law.

Immediately I was placed in a headlock by another one, and this guy spoke English. I can't remember exactly what he says, but he told me I'm going to hell, I've desicrated this holy place, etc.

I was marched to the most unholy emergency exit, and thrown out of the Vatican. Technically, I've been deported.

Plus three weeks after returning, I did deflower a catholic girl who was due to get married in 4 weeks later.
(rhyswynne - on every social network mullarkey known to man, Sat 13 Dec 2008, 12:22, 3 replies)

Speaking of which...
...what do you think they're going to pull on Ron Howard for secretly filming in there for the new Dan Brown book-to-film?!

*rubs hands in glee...maybe they'll even go after Dan by proxy...*
(Angie the Redneck Wonder, Sat 13 Dec 2008, 13:17, closed)

Sounds about right.
Security guards in Switzerland go about dressed as SWAT teams, caps, ear pieces, body armour, handcuffs, the lot except guns. They'll happily assault anyone if they think they'll get away with it.
Cnuts.
( Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Sat 13 Dec 2008, 19:36, closed)

Ah...
...the quiet, dignified air of God's chosen people.

Praise be.
(Sir Harrington Titsmith disgraced himself on, Sat 13 Dec 2008, 20:58, closed)