Poetry Corner...

It’s great to see some excellent quality poems turning up on QotW. Here’s one to lower the average standard…

EDIT: UK folk - It helps if you sing the following to the tune of the anti-piracy 'Knock-off Nigel' Ads...

Eternal Damnation: How bad can it be?

“You’re going to Hell!” They cried out, my heart sank,
When they rumbled me having my favourite wank
Over pictures of Jesus, and Maddie, so cute
And a nice one of Hitler in full-on salute

‘Oh, but that’s not so bad’ I hear some people say
‘You’re no racist, no paedo, you’re not even gay!
& we’ve all done some ‘naughty’ things, why don’t you tell…
What you really think has you condemned down to Hell?’


Well…


I will speak to the vicar about anal lube
I will wear a back-pack and shout ‘BANG!’ on the tube
I will make any pervert look more like a monk
In a restaurant I shout: ‘This soup tastes like my spunk!’

I call everyone ‘cuntstick’ whatever they do,
I write stories of sex, degradation and poo.
I will fart out in public and blame it on dogs
I will loosen the handrails on disabled bogs

I will howl at the ‘downs’ kids and act like a mong
I will flop out my cock when I know that it’s wrong
Then I’ll fwap in shop windows and make children cry
I wear horns and a trident when ‘god squads’ drop by

I break 7 commandments each time that I shite
There is no way that I can start putting this right
So I’m banished to hell & my soul is now wrecked.
After all, I’m a B3tard…what did you expect?

( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 16 Dec 2008, 10:19, 13 replies)

Yay poetry
Kudos to you!
I don't usually see a lot of poetry round these parts.
( Grokthought wouldn't pay that for Chinese 5-Spice, Tue 16 Dec 2008, 10:30, closed)

@ Poof
Absolutely magnificent!

Reminds me of a harsher version of Dennis Leary's 'Asshole', but far better obviously.

*clickage*
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 16 Dec 2008, 10:31, closed)

I remember that song - it's brilliant!
Apologies in advance for all non UK residents here, but for some reason I actually had the tune from that advert about 'knock off Nigel downloads dvds' in my head when I wrote this...

EDIT: Now I come to think of it...isn't it also the tune from the 'Clover' Advert?

Anyone know the original?
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 16 Dec 2008, 10:36, closed)

It's even funnier
when you sing to that tune!
(Bazongaloid, Tue 16 Dec 2008, 10:43, closed)

"Loosen the handrails on disabled bogs"
Brilliant.

Clicks.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Tue 16 Dec 2008, 10:33, closed)

Amazing!
You laugh-inducing bastard!
( Cawl, Tue 16 Dec 2008, 10:46, closed)

ah, I think you have won
*clicks*
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Tue 16 Dec 2008, 10:46, closed)

After all, I'm a B3tard....what did you expect.
I'd go so far as to say you should be the poster boy for B3ta.
( girlinthehole, Tue 16 Dec 2008, 10:58, closed)

Ok big boy
What's the chords? We've GOT to sing this at the next bash!


Nice one


*click*
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 16 Dec 2008, 18:49, closed)

Sweet.
*click*
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 17 Dec 2008, 10:14, closed)

damn....
...there's no "I absolutely fucking love this" button to click.

*clicks existing but not deserving enough button*
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Wed 17 Dec 2008, 13:15, closed)

Spiffing
*clicks*
(annexed, Wed 17 Dec 2008, 14:26, closed)

WIN
This poem is full of it.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 18 Dec 2008, 14:31, closed)