One day in the office....
...there were rumours amock of a visitor to our IT department, hanging about by our break-out area in the centre of the building. Was it a top-knob boss?

Nope. It was a freakishly big mutant house spider.

It was on the wall looking down at all the people who were gawping like fuck at it. And they had reason to gawp. For this spider resembled a large house spider with a perfectly spherical white body, literally matching the size of a golf ball. I've never seen a spider like that in my life, and I'm ever so slightly arachnaphobic (as in I can look at 'em but I won't go near the cunts).

Of course, working with a bunch of nerds we wouldn't go near the freaky 8 legged cunt, we just all stood there and pointed while making nerd sounds before eventually getting bored and going back to our desks to fix computers over the phone.

About an hour after I'd seen this abomination I was back at my desk and continuing my teching. One habit I tend to do to help me relax when I'm doing me job is to take my shoes off and dangle me feet under the desk...mid-call and suddenly there was a bump off my foot.

"Wtf????" I glance under the desk.

Nout by me feet, so what the fuck was it? I look right, and the golf ball spider is doing 10 to the dozen under the desk away from me.

I screamed like a fucking baby. Unfortunately the customer I was speaking to on the phone thought I was being attacked by Hannibal Lector or something and was shouting "Christ man, are you ok??????" to me. Bless, it was fun trying to explain what just bounced off me foot to someone who'd just hear the last of my manhood dribble out of my life.

What made this worse was that a 4 foot tall girl who used to work here ran straight over to my desk with a plastic cup and caught the fucker, before taking it outside the building to be released into the wilds. She come back in and re-assured me that "it was more scared of me than me of it", which didn't exactly fill me with comfort. I was more worried about having to cross the carpark to get to my car at the end of the shift knowing that this golf-ball cunt was still out there, watching....and waiting.

Apols for length, I was almost an "innie" when I saw it...
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Wed 30 Sep 2009, 12:02, 13 replies)

"it was more scared of me than me of it"
is a pet-hate of mine, because 99 times out of 100, they're referring to a creature that doesn't have the brain power to even comprehend fear.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 30 Sep 2009, 13:02, closed)

Spiders...don't know...fear?
*runs for hills*
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Wed 30 Sep 2009, 13:05, closed)

There're some big fuckers this year,,,,,
Yesterday, one built a web right across our garden path (from the washing line to the ground) and only the fact that it was sat in the middle looking evil stopped me from walking right into it.
I'd probably still be there now.
(greatoldone Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl f'tagn, Wed 30 Sep 2009, 13:15, closed)

I have these at my house
one in the front garden, one in the back. their webs are easily large enough to catch me in, and I suspect they could probably devour me as well
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 30 Sep 2009, 16:34, closed)

Hate spiders
Hate 'em, hate 'em, HATE 'EM!

Please tell me you work in Australia or somewhere else suitably far away and exotic that I don't have to worry about one of this beast's cousins coming at me next time I walk into the garden?!
(Penguins_Made_Me_Do_It is a dolt ... and she don't care, Wed 30 Sep 2009, 14:03, closed)

Swansea :(
I'm as surprised as you are. I thought there was too much rain for spiders :p
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Wed 30 Sep 2009, 14:43, closed)

Rain
Just makes the fuckers bigger and stronger. It feeds them.
( Scrumper, Wed 30 Sep 2009, 16:10, closed)

Sorry..
...but mine's in Manchester.

He'd rebuilt the web last night and the wife walked straight into it.
Cue screams and a ten-minute shower ("in case he's hiding in my hair"!)
(greatoldone Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl f'tagn, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 12:23, closed)

I'm in Australia
I like spiders. I'm in Sydney where they aren't so big. Up north is where you get the big ones that can kill and partially eat birds. But I digress.

Once when I was working at an IT reseller the most exciting thing to happen one day was a large (and aren't they all large?) Huntsman spider was found in my supervisor's in-tray. The barbarians all debated whether or not to kill it - morons, why kill everything? - then it was removed outside. Safely.

I am really, really impressed with your golf-ball sized spider. I wish you had a photo. And I too would have peed my pants if a spider bounced off my foot and I LIKE them. Have your testicles come back down yet or are they still hiding?
(Dog Bum Cute, wiggly, has scary anal glands, Wed 30 Sep 2009, 17:11, closed)

They're back down now
.....after 2 years of therapy....
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Wed 30 Sep 2009, 17:17, closed)

There's one living just outside my front door.
I'm no expert on spiders, so I've no idea what brand it is. It's got a tiny body and ridiculously long legs. It's been living in the top corner of the wall just outside my flat's front door for the last few weeks. It's getting bigger so it must be feeding on something. Buggered if I can work out what, though, since I can't see a web or anything resembling food dangling nearby.

Tonight I noticed a tiny spider about six inches from it, with the same type of build (tiny body, long legs). I wonder if the bigger one is breeding.
( flake has nothing against your right leg, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 0:14, closed)

I'd have passed out, I admit. Spiders. . .ugh!
Only a few days ago I ran, screaming, off a friend's porch when confronted with a particularly nasty specimen slightly larger than my thumb. Her five-year-old daughter laughed. Woe.
(louveciennes , Volvospotter, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 3:54, closed)

Unfortunately,
because we had a comparatively good summer this year, or something, there's been a boom in the insect population. Where there is such a boom, there shalt follow a similar boom in the predator population. This means, according to Radio 4*, that we'll have a big population of spiders this year, and of course the 'orrible little buggers will insist on coming inside when the weather turns cold. Bollocks.

*_{Who can, of course, do no wrong}
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 9:27, closed)