In my defence I was about 4
I remember being very interested in science (based mainly on mad scientist scenes from kids cartoons).

I spent a lot of time thinking about what kind of experiment I could do. A lot of this time was spent on the toilet. One day when I was channeling Edison whilst pinching my daily loaf I got to wondering what would happen to the poo if, instead of being flushed away, it was kinda...... left for a while.

And that is the story of how I found myself to be pooing into a wad of toilet roll which I would then hide somewhere. I didn't think it through so I then had to think of a suitable hiding place whilst my creation festered under my nose. Not straying too far from my comfort zone I soon found myself wrapping it in more TP and then wedging it in a spot I had found underneath the ceramic bathroom sink.

I left it there.

For about a month.

My parents spent a fortune on dyno rod and other assorted plumbers trying to find out where the smell was. Oming from.

Being young and oblivious I didn't take any notice. I went back to it when, purely by chance, I remembered what I had done.

Either someone had replaced my mighty log with a deformed sultana which somehow still smelled of shit, or a lot of it had disappeared through the tissue. Applying what I now know to be called occams razor I decided the shitty sultana scenario was highly improbable and that is how I learned about desiccation/evaporation/dehydration (I am sure some clever boffin b3tan will indicate hitch one it is)

A length joke would be too easy given the subject matter.
(OTT, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 17:10, 9 replies)

If you were channeling Edison then you'd have nicked somebody else's story and passed it off as yours.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 17:17, closed)

I swear
Small children can decide not to smell poo. It's the only logical explanation for them wandering in with half a ton of cack in their pants and looking at you bewildered when you ask them where the god-awful honk is coming from.
( chthonic, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 17:59, closed)

Arrf!
This is the honest truth.
(Sir Clitherington Smythe offers him yourself., Mon 13 Aug 2012, 18:50, closed)

But then your own shit never smells that bad.

( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 19:05, closed)

Speak
for yourself.
(username failed moderation, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 8:41, closed)

Did you just shit your pants?
"No" says first sprog.
Well it sure smells like it.
"I did it this morning"
(the other guy not the one that gave you coochie warts, Tue 14 Aug 2012, 0:43, closed)

...in my defence...
I was vey....VEY......jjjjjjdrunk.
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Mon 13 Aug 2012, 18:44, closed)

SNAKE! SNAKE!

(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 13 Aug 2012, 19:08, closed)

I used to eat paper
So that I would get worms and could watch them wriggle around.

well normal I was.
(Shamelesspendant Better dead then smeg., Tue 14 Aug 2012, 13:29, closed)