Mrs Vagabond and I enjoy going to the supermarket together
We generally piss about and "fly" on the trolley etc etc.

One day she did something - I can't remember what, tickled me or something - and I turned to her and said (as per usual), "Do that again and I will black your eye."

She just ignored it - stuck her tongue out at me or whatever - but with dawning horror, I noticed that ALL the women in the aisle were looking at me. Arms folded. You just fucking try it, Sunshine. You just fucking try it.

I have rarely been so simperingly pathetic and fawning over anyone before or since.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 16:42, 6 replies)

my mrs got hit in the eye by her surfboard a while ago
had to have some cuts glued shut and had a cracking black eye.

I could feel the hatred emanating from people when we walked down the street because they thought I'd clocked her one.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 16:50, closed)

Yeah.
My mum recently had her cateracts removed, and wouldn't leave the house for two weeks because she looked like hubby had given her an absolute pasting.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 16:53, closed)

we were in Penzance A&E waiting for her to be seen to
when some old dude came in because he'd been pruning the roses and pruned his finger.

He was talkative and asked around why everyone else was in there. One guy had got his ear ripped playing rugby and a couple of other similar stories. The guy gets to my mrs, looks at her eye, looks at me and then moves on to the next person.

People can really make you feel like a complete shit, even though you know you haven't done anything.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 16:55, closed)

You should have blacked his eye as well, then.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 16:57, closed)

he was already missing part of a finger
he'd suffered enough
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 17:00, closed)

Guilty till proved innocent, and even then most people will still believe you're guilty.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 16 Jun 2011, 20:38, closed)