My tale of shame and woe
So I was involved with a girl I'd been friends with for ages, we lived a few hours apart, so didn't see each other very much. I traveled to see her when I could, on promises of great times, romantic meals and general couple crap that we never got to have normally.

Each time I went, I was slightly let down, she never seemed that happy to see me, we'd always do what she wanted, watch her choice of movies, her choice of tv. I spent new year with her friends yet she flat out refused to meet mine for an afternoon. I told myself it was just cos times were hard for her and she was shy, and it was most likely my fault.

The last time I went to see her, I booked train tickets, only to find she isn't texting as much, I'm getting one word answers and she seems totally different. I manage to find out what's wrong, and apparently she isn't in the right place to be with me right now, and she just needs time. I ask her if she still want me to come visit and she says of course, she really wants to see me and I have to go.

I travel down after work, get texts to say I'll have to sort myself some food as she can't possibly wait until 8 to eat. I'm a bit gutted, say I'd take her out when she met me off the train. Apparently she wasn't meeting me off the train, I was getting the bus. I was pretty annoyed, but still, I reasoned it was a waste of her limited money to get the bus home after work, then back to pick me up. Then I was told she'd pick me up in her car (friend would be giving her a driving lesson) which was better. Got in the car, got told we were going to McDonalds, but not the one in town on the way home, another one a few miles off. I Sat in the back of her car while her shit music blasted, unable to talk to her.

We got to McDonalds and they told me they didn't have money, I'd be buying. I accepted this as I'd already said I'd buy her food and her friend did offer to pay me back. (I refused as I'd be staying in her house, using her electricity and heating). She didn't talk to me much as we ate, one word answers,she spoke to her friend about people they both knew who I didn't, essentially blocking me from the conversation. Her friend tried to include me, but it was pretty difficult and I was getting annoyed. We got in and went pretty much straight to bed. I was told we would watch White collar, a program she loved that I had never seen until she fell asleep. It wasn't my cup of tea but she fell asleep in the first episode, I got to turn it off and have some sleep before the next days big plans, watching her friend get a tattoo!

I don't know if you've ever watched some one get a tattoo, but it's a slow process, trying to make small talk failed, she still gave me one word answers so I chatted with the tattoo guy, who was pretty sound, but obviously needed to concentrate on his work.

Two hours later, we left and went to town, she walked infront of me with her friend, went clothes shopping and made me feel like a stalker. A friend of her's I'd met at new year's turned up, I chatted with him while texting friends who lived near by to see if I could maybe crash at theirs that night. She told me her friends were coming round that night and asked me if I minded. My exact words were "Would it matter if I did?" she asked what I meant by that and I told her we'd talk when we got home. Of course, when we got home, her friends came round and I didn't want to argue in front of them. More gossip about people I didn't know for four hours until finally, they left, she went to bed and I had the opportunity to talk.

Only, she was too tired to talk apparently, which tipped me over the edge, I had a massive go, told her she'd ignored me, been rude to me, cared more about her self and would have had the exact same weekend if I'd not been there. She said she had no idea what I was talking about, I told her to stop lying and that I'd have left there and then if I had the option. She seemed indifferent. "If that's what you want." she said.
"Of course it's not! I want you to at least talk to me, I've spent more then a weeks wages for two days of feeling like Bruce Willis in the sixth sense." I got a "Sorry." out of her. I told her that I knew things were rough, and we weren't a couple right now, but I needed to talk. She didn't feel like talking, so we didn't. Eventually she offered me a hug. I took it.

As I lay there, I realised how fucking pathetic I was. I was willing to let myself be treated like crap by some one who was clearly using my attention to make herself feel special. I thought about how many outher women had done the exact same thing over the years and how I would always fall for it. I realised it was no wonder I was always being screwed over, my self esteem was so low that I was actualy willing to accept this sort of crap rather then expect to find some one who actualy valued me, afterall, how could some one value me if I didn't value myself?

The next day we went to see anouther friend of her's, the usual talk of people I don't know, being ignored and then I finaly headed home, tired, saddened and disserpointed. But I took away with me a new sense of worth, the feeling that I was better then this, that I shouldn't settle for the first woman who'l have me.

So the terrible thing I'd done was not to some one else I loved, but to not love myself. I'm not 100% of the way there yet, but I'm on the right path. I know that I'm not perfect but I'm not a bad catch and I won't settle for some one who treats me like crap just because I'm afraid to be alone.
(Mong goose, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 2:17, 16 replies)

You sound like a lovely guy, she's a bitch (obviously) and you will find someone who deserves you. Don't be too hard on yourself, we all go through shit relationships like that - it's a learning process... X
(resurrection_mary cannibal_ferox, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 7:00, closed)

Sorry to be blunt, but
It's not clear from your otherwise brutally honest and empassioned confession:

Were you shagging her, or not?
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 9:28, closed)

We were all thinking it
Thanks
(amacupcake, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 10:03, closed)

"Not" would almost be a better answer.
Can you imagine how crap, lifeless and purely functional the sex would be in this scenario? Been there myself, and it's a good way of feeling like a worthless whore, even for men.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 10:21, closed)

The alternative would be
that it was absolutely fantastic BUT she would only be up for it very, very rarely. So the poor sod was always hanging on, hoping, but constantly being rejected.

Hmm, now that I come to mention it, that reminds me of at least two previous relationships...
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 12:08, closed)

There was some sex, but not in the weekend detailed. Wasn't bad but never as good as promised in the texts.
(Mong goose, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 14:08, closed)

Applause!
Been there. Turned my back on an emotional leech and never looked back.
(SpangoTheWonderBadger is brewing beer, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 11:22, closed)

snigger snigger "love myself" snigger

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 12:22, closed)

Well done mate
Glad to hear you had that epiphany and got rid of the parasite! Liking yourself is the first step to finding true love - I've been in much the same boat.

Also, ignore Dr. Shambolic ^. He's an imbecile.
(McChinaman banned, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 14:08, closed)

I read that as "Blub blub blubby blub blub blub."
You dickless wonder.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 14:19, closed)

Good for you.
Life is way too short to be wasted on teh crazy bitches.
( .Yeti., Mon 20 Jun 2011, 14:23, closed)

That sounds like....
a Mills & Boon story :) What a fucking bitch, you deserved better than her and one day when her 'boyfriend' beats the shit out of her she will understand!
(mparryuk52, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 17:14, closed)

you sure
you aren't gay
(little lord muthafuckin fauntleroy, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 21:23, closed)

I'm very sure, ive got feelings and I don't like football but I do like girls.
(Mong goose, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 21:59, closed)

you should have killed yourself. it's what she wanted.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Mon 20 Jun 2011, 22:34, closed)

You are my friend James
AICMFP
(Xpic needs a kick up the arse., Thu 23 Jun 2011, 13:17, closed)