My stepmother ...
So my stepmother decided to invite a bunch of friends over for a formal lunch at our place.

It's a Sunday, and, it being the middle of summer, it's tipping down outside.

So there we are - my two sisters and I - I'm 14, my eldest sister 17, my younger sister 16 - and we're surrounded by grown-ups being boring as all hell - talking pretty well exclusively grown-up other than asking to pass the potatoes or whatever.

Lunch comes and goes, and dessert is offered - of course people want dessert.

My step mother disappears.

Then my father.

Now - our living room borders their bedroom via an adobe wall my dad had put in a few months before - it's cardboard - you could put your fist through it.

BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM, BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM

So there we are, sitting at the table, surrounded by all these adults we don't know, trying to make polite conversation

BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM, BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM

when we start to hear a noise.

BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM, BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM

Gradually it reaches a crescendo, as the table steadily runs out of conversation

BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM, BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM OH GOD! BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM OH GOD! BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM, BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM OH GOD! BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM OH GOD! OH GOD! OH GOD! OH GOD!

We can't go outside for a walk it's pissing down oh dear Christ Jesus help us what the what the WHAT THE FUCK DO WE DO?!

Then suddenly they're back - not a hair out of place: "Dessert, anyone?"
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 11:21, 11 replies)

Wow
They must be far too worthy, self-righteous and power-happy to do anything other than make utter fools of themselves in absolutely everything they do, or something.
(sabre-tooth monkey, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 12:23, closed)

Ill thought out, badly constructed, rushed response that doesn't hit the mark it aimed for.
2/10 - must try harder.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 12:25, closed)

Was it the same step-mum though?
www.b3ta.com/questions/unexpectednudity/post436029
Edit: I'm assuming yes, you were 14 in both stories.
(sabre-tooth monkey, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 12:31, closed)

Yes.
I've only ever had the one.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 12:37, closed)

You should compile these. She sounds like she would make a great series of anecdotes.
Though probably funnier in hindsight, as you'd noted before.
(sabre-tooth monkey, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 12:38, closed)

Well to be honest that's kind of what I'm trying to use QOTW for.
So that I've got an accessible archive of my stuff. The aim is to one day trawl it, bin the rubbish and compile the good stuff.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 13:19, closed)

You're lucky.
My step dad just fucked my mother loudly, conned her out of what remained of the life insurance money my dad left us all and, eventually, tried to come on to my brother's girlfriend.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Fri 7 Jan 2011, 18:08, closed)

At a formal lunch?
How uncouth.
(Sloppy Giuseppe, Sat 8 Jan 2011, 3:10, closed)

I would ask that you read my back catalogue of stories regarding my stepmother before you make spurious accusations about my being "lucky"
Though commisserations about your stepfather. Step-parents, like cyclists, start off on the back foot, as they are generally complete cunts, where the exceptions prove the rule.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Sun 9 Jan 2011, 18:54, closed)

Sorry, I meant the "lucky" comment in camaradic* jest.
*I think that can be a word?
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 17:25, closed)

*insert joke*
*about 'special' cream here*
(Draco Rattus ate all the pies on, Sun 9 Jan 2011, 6:39, closed)