It's my glands
Lived in a shared house with two other blokes once. One got lucky with the next door neighbour and eventually moved in with her. This meant his room with us was free and so the neighbour kindly suggested a friend of hers who might fill it.
Fill it she did. She was 20 stone plus and broke three chairs and a toilet seat just by sitting on them. Claimed it was her glands but was spotted by my mates, going into the bakery on the way to work for six doughnuts to have for breakfast.
(Mr McKenzie Mr McKenzie, Sat 8 Jan 2011, 10:40, 3 replies)

ah fat people. What could be better comic materiel?
Fat ginger people.

I was sat in a local cafe recently trying not to stare at a fat ginger kid with two HUGE mongoloid shouty sweary parents. Having had my attention irremovably focussed on them for some time, I started (gasp) to feel some sympathy for this poor kid; I mean, his parents were simply irredeemably dreadful; great corpulent shambling tattooed horrors, grunting, smoking and swearing through their nicotined wrinkles and puffy bewildered scowls. You know the sort.

So anyway, the poor little fat ginger kid* was trying to leave some of his full fat english breakfast (toast fried in lard, proudly boasted by waitress) as he wasn't hungry any more, only to be scowled and viciously sworn at by his progenitors; you know, "fakkin ea' i' you caaaahnt'

So it was with true delight, realio genuine squee, that I witnessed his mother's chair collapse under her, followed near instantly by the entire place collapsing in hysterics.

'fakkin thin', is dangerous, I should sue' (etc etc ad nauseum).

Fat boy, if you're out there; your parents are fucking dreadful; this was the universe giving you a quick hint and a point in the right direction; they are dragging you down to their level of hate and gluttony. Escape them while you can.





*first time this sentence has ever been written down?
(pounana Slept well, and dreamed of large women, on, Sat 8 Jan 2011, 20:58, closed)

Did my sister move in with you
after we moved and she had to leave the house we were in? I could have told you that would happen, 'cause it happened at our house too.
(M61A1 CUPID- STUNTS, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 8:31, closed)

Her name was Leigh
and she lived in Chester so I imagine it's not her. In the end I resorted to borrowing CDs from the library that I didn't like but I knew that she would like even less, and playing them in the living room so she would go away and leave me alone. A live album by The Fall used to work quite well, I recall.
(Mr McKenzie Mr McKenzie, Tue 11 Jan 2011, 14:03, closed)