do lodgers count? well, they do now, so suck it up like a good little bitch
since i bought my flat a couple of years ago, i've had a number of different friends living with me temporarily. being a spoiled cow i don't have a mortgage, so i haven't asked them for rent/formal agreements; it's just been a way of helping out friends who have just split up with partners or just moved to london etc. now in hindsight this has not always been wise, as it has led to a couple of them taking advantage. as my boss said to me, some property litigator you are swipe, you can't get any money out of them and you can't get them out!

anyway, particular highlights include:

- the head of marketing from my old law firm whom, i have just been informed by mutual friends 2 years later, could not wait one morning when i was in the shower and so rolled out some newspaper and took a dump ON MY SPARE ROOM FLOOR.

- the same girl got a bit fed up when my new bathroom took about 6 weeks to install (it has very high ceilings and i chose massive heavy stone tiles, so this was not surprising) and sent me an email saying: "everyone i have spoken to agrees that 4 weeks without a bathroom is disgusting and excessive. i am checking into a hotel until this is over." bear in mind that she could only afford the hotel because she WASN'T PAYING ME ANY RENT. we don't really speak so much these days...

- the one after her was a really lovely girl. really lovely. sweet and kind. and possibly the most irritating person on the planet. it was like living with a giant pigeon. she cooed at me every five seconds. and she must have been part deaf, because everything i said, she replied "sorry, what?" i hate that. also she never went to bed, ever ever ever, and she never never never went out. in her defence she had just moved back to the uk after 10 years working abroad, but still. i was in a busy patch at work and i would get home at about 2am. see the light on up in my lounge. find my feet slowing like they were immersed in concrete. because i knew the second i got it, it would be "oooh, how was your day?... sorry, what? ooooh, why? ... sorry, what? oooh, what's a dilapidation? .... sorry, what?"

also she used to do intensely infuriating things, like buy a butternut squash and then just LEAVE IT ON THE COUNTER UNTIL IT WENT MOULDY, or use the washing machine every single night to wash about 2 pairs of pants. one sunday afternoon she said proudly that she had found an extra-hot 4 hour cycle to clean her hockey shin pads. oh fucking marvellous, my electricity bill was thrilled at that. eventually she found a flat to buy but there was a problem with the lease. as a property lawyer, i told her to buy it anyway...

- before this place i lived in a houseshare with 4 other girls, who changed over the course of the 5 years or so i was there. we had some proper nutcases. there was one who, during a game of triv, did not know the name of the plant that grows to over 6 feet and has bark and leaves. the one who talked to her bf like he was a toddler, including bursting into tears when he was travelling because a red golf came on the tv and apparently that was "a jamesy-wamesy car". the one who used to leave little fairy notes everywhere about cleaning but NEVER DID HER OWN WASHING UP, even by accident.





i think perhaps i am only fit to live by myself......
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 9 Jan 2011, 13:49, 13 replies)

Can I live with you?
I'm fucking awesome.
The worst things that I've ever done is spew in the kitchen (which is almost a bathroom...) and piss in MY OWN underwear draw.
( monkdagola but how do you TURN a phrase?, Sun 9 Jan 2011, 15:18, closed)

that would still be my set of drawers.
dismissed!!!

next?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 9 Jan 2011, 16:20, closed)

Good point, well made.

( monkdagola but how do you TURN a phrase?, Sun 9 Jan 2011, 16:29, closed)

I think the problem here is you have "doormat" tattooed on your forehead
Try charging some rent and splitting bills and see what happens.

Click, just for the cheek of the girl who complained about the bathroom when you were letting her live there for free...
(Petite chien is going to do science to it, Sun 9 Jan 2011, 15:41, closed)

i know
but i didn't need the cash as much as they did, so it felt really mean to ask for anything. in fairness they all bought me something lovely as a thank you when they moved out.

it was just that i was really tempted to murder a couple of them. the pigeon moved in for 3 weeks. and moved out 11 months later.....
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 9 Jan 2011, 16:17, closed)

Good for you
nice to hear of a lawyer with a heart :p Maybe just the suggestion of bill paying when you want them to leave then? Might speed the process up.
(Petite chien is going to do science to it, Sun 9 Jan 2011, 17:46, closed)

these stories contain no shagging
I don't believe they happened
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Sun 9 Jan 2011, 15:51, closed)

i have lived with a huge number of other girls
i have a huge number of houseguest shagging stories. but they are even less interesting than these, believe me.

although you have reminded me of one. i'll put it in a different story because it did sound quite amusing.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 9 Jan 2011, 16:19, closed)

I need somewhere to live in London!
Pick me.

I am neurotically tidy.
I pay my way, not by neccessity but out of principle.
I like to think im an ok guy and not a nutty mcnutty weirdo.

The most disgusting thing I have done? Pissed in the bedroom sink when I had food poisoning because I could not make it to the bathroom.

I have not lived so it seems.
(Nirmeth My ignore list is fucking huge. Hint., Sun 9 Jan 2011, 16:57, closed)

sorry dude
my newest flatmate moved in last week.......................

neurotically tidy is a Good Thing in a man. and a rare one.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 9 Jan 2011, 16:58, closed)

"there was one who, during a game of triv, did not know the name of the plant that grows to over 6 feet and has bark and leaves."
eh?
(chocolatelemming, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 0:10, closed)

Some sort of
sulky dog/triffid hybrid creature? Has a bark and then leaves?
(unclestinky, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 2:15, closed)

sorry
...what?
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Mon 10 Jan 2011, 10:45, closed)