A bit of a domestic
A couple of days after I'd moved in to my final student flat, B moved in. He brought his girlfriend with him.

At silly o'clock, I was woken by the sound of shouting. I couldn't tell much about it, but it was clearly coming from my new flatmate's room, and the tone was female.
"You fucking hit me!" the voice screamed. "Don't you fucking kick me again!"

Oh, hell, I thought. I've gone and landed myself in a flat with a violent nutter.

As it turned out, the opposite was the case. His hands and feet had made rapid contact with her body - but only in the sense that her body was in the way as he flailed about in the burning bed to which she'd just set fire - and not in the metaphorical way.

For his part, B was very apologetic about the noise the following morning. And the girlfriend was not seen again.

Well - it's one way to get to know your flatmates, isn't it?
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 27 Feb 2009, 14:06, 14 replies)

Sounds like...
...they got properly flamed...

Also,

Sounds like... a proper spitroast...

and,

Sounds like... he was on fire in bed...

ok I will stop now

*whistles nonchalently*
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Fri 27 Feb 2009, 14:17, closed)

She was proper
hot stuff aye? aye? *nudges* *winks*
(Bazongaloid, Fri 27 Feb 2009, 14:19, closed)

Hehe
I'll bet he was thinking "bloody hell! She's given me a burning sensation! I'll better get that looked at!"
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Fri 27 Feb 2009, 14:21, closed)

I'll bet he was thinking
"Wow, this girls on fire! I can't wait to boast to my mates down the pub about this."
(Bazongaloid, Fri 27 Feb 2009, 14:39, closed)

Both you fuckwits missed
'this sex is on fire!'

*plays snazzy guitar solo*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 27 Feb 2009, 15:08, closed)

These socks is on fire.

*fires his socks*
(Bazongaloid, Fri 27 Feb 2009, 15:13, closed)

This Czechs is on flyer
*hands out Czech Republic recruitment leaflets*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 27 Feb 2009, 15:14, closed)

*Joins the Czech Republic*

*is told to leave the Czech republic straight away*

Those Czechs had me fired!
(Bazongaloid, Fri 27 Feb 2009, 15:28, closed)

It's because you emptied the cat litter
into the water cooler again, isn't it?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 27 Feb 2009, 15:41, closed)

Yes
but that wasn't a hilarious pun.

I'm going to stick long thin strands of metal into some asians.

Those Japs are all wired.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 27 Feb 2009, 15:44, closed)

Christ I'm slow today
I didn't realise 'this czechs had me fired' was a pun.

To be fair though, it was a shit one.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 27 Feb 2009, 15:54, closed)

So was your mrs' arse.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 27 Feb 2009, 15:58, closed)

That's not true
hers is kind of sweet, it feels tight and dry to the cock, but wet and with plenty of give to the finger.

She does poo from there though.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 27 Feb 2009, 16:00, closed)

But only when
your mouth is hovering beneath it.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 27 Feb 2009, 16:04, closed)