i had a landlord once
when i was an estate agent, who looked exactly like marley from scrooge. white flowing locks, beard dripping to his gut, mad scientist eyes, and thick heavy metal chains wrapped around his waist with keys to all his flats rattling and clanking off it. and his flats, in the arse end of stockport, were fricking disGUSTing. tenants were forever ringing to complain about each other, and one of them came in one day with a jar of cockroaches, slammed it on the counter, and said: "from flat 3. i thought we weren't allowed to keep pets?"

anyway, one day, i rang the landlord and said, "bad news jim, you've got a squatter in flat one, completeshithole avenue."

"what?"

"a squatter. so what you need to do is, allow me to issue possession proceedings and get the bailiff to serve them. will cost you about £2k and as it's residential, you need to give him 5 days' notice."

"the fuck i do," the landlord growled, and about an hour later, the hapless hippy and his sleeping bag were out on the A6. he may have had the pattern of thick heavy metal chains on his head.

i really think the courts should adopt this attitude to squatters!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 2 Mar 2009, 19:07, 7 replies)

I was a squatter once
glad I didn't have a landlord like him.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 2 Mar 2009, 19:10, closed)

The only squatter I know...
...is my male boxer dog. I wish he would learn to cock his leg instead.
Maybe he's gay - he does lick his own cock a lot.
I commented to the wife "I wish I could do that". She replied "Pat his head and he might let you".
But I digress...
(emadex thinks the world will end on, Mon 2 Mar 2009, 19:17, closed)

I'm sure
Half a packet of biscuits and you might get your way
(Pill Popper Thank you Sasha Shulgin, Mon 2 Mar 2009, 19:37, closed)

i guess so
and indeed why should people be homeless when there's vacant accommodation.

but from the landlord's perspective, he'd had squatters several times before, who had done serious amounts of damage and even stolen and flogged fittings like boilers that he had pay to replace. plus he had a mortgage to pay on the block, and if he couldn't let the flat because it had a squatter in occupation, either he couldn't pay his mortgage, or he paid out £2k to get vacant possession - only to do it again with a different flat in 6 months' time.

not an easy topic!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 2 Mar 2009, 19:20, closed)

My heart bleeds
for these kinds of landlords. They ALL deserve squatters IMHO!!!
(rampants, Tue 3 Mar 2009, 12:47, closed)

yeah but no but
yeah but why? he worked hard to buy the properties, he paid off the mortgage, he paid for decorating and furniture... why should he get people living in there for free??
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 3 Mar 2009, 16:57, closed)

once on a renovation job we were doing
of huge 4 story council house, we turned up to discover squatters had broken in overnight while we were halfway through the job.

after being shouted at from the windows and generally being told to piss off for a time, my boss calmly walked up the door and explained through the letterbox that it was completely up to them if they wanted to stay there. but if so, it would also be down to them to explain to the 15 or so bulgarian builders turning up there for work the following morning why they weren't going to be able to work that day and hence why they weren't going to get paid.

they were gone by the morning. i always laugh when i think about that one!
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Wed 4 Mar 2009, 16:13, closed)