Simon and the MDMA
Simon was a plant geneticist with whom I shared a flat in 1998/9. His main interests in life were belching, wearing shorts, and going out to get off his chops on a Friday night.

The rest of the occupants of the flat and I learned that it was a good idea not to be around when he came back home. Should anyone still be awake when his taxi pulled up, we had a few moments to vacate the communal areas; but we didn't always notice the taxi. Sometimes someone would still be around when the door opened.

Now, I'm not hugely familiar with the informal pharmacopeia, but I believe that Ecstasy is supposed to be a relaxing kind of drug that makes you love your fellow human. Simon was perplexingly resistant to this effect. Indeed, MDMA had an unexpected effect on him: he got aggressive. More aggressive than he was in sober hours.

And so it was that, on one occasion early one Saturday morning - or late on Friday, depending on your perspective - Simon stumbled into what passed as a living room before the rest of the flat's occupants had had time to scarper. His small eyes fixed on Paul, and he leaned in menacingly.
"YOU LOOK AS THOUGH YOU THINK I'VE GOT A TURNIP ON MY HEAD. HAVE I GOT A TURNIP ON MY HEAD?" he bellowed.

Paul looked scared. This was justifiable: Simon was about seven times his size.
"Well, HAVE I? Have I got a FUCKING TURNIP on my head?"
"Er... no..." he offered, timidly.
"Good," hissed Simon. "'Cos if you'd said I had, I'd've fucking KILLED you!"

And with that, he wandered off to bed. Paul, meanwhile, hyperventilated in a corner.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 16:12, 3 replies)

probably shit MDMA
This is good though. Clicked.
( rofl harris, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 16:56, closed)

I bet he did have a turnip on his head.

(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 12:35, closed)

Made me laugh.

(Porcupine, Mon 16 Mar 2015, 12:56, closed)