My missus....
Just this very morning, around 3:00am, I was awoken from my slumbers by an almighty punch in the back from the missus.

"What the f....!" I exclaimed.

"Would you stop fucking snoring!" she whined, "and farting as well what a fucking racket!" she added.

(Yes, she's quite a catch isn't she? Me too, on reflection...)

"No need to fucking lamp me though you daft bint! I'm not doing it on purpose!"

Anyway, by this time my blood was boiling. I'd spent 20 minutes trying to get to sleep earlier that night as she was performing her very own buzz-saw impersonation.

I was quietly seething with rage as she finally went back to sleep. And then she promptly began snoring again.

Then to top it all off, with almost comic timing, she proceeded to unleash an enormous thunderchuff.

I grabbed my pillow and headed for the sofa bed. There's just no fucking point.....
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 24 Feb 2009, 10:36, 5 replies)

Ha!
Feel your pain, mate. My missus belts me in her sleep. Her arms and legs shoot out and it fucking hurts. She's even kneed me in the bollocks. Beds are dangerous places.... Hmmm, at least she tells me she's asleep. Nice post, like it!
( SpankyHanky, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 10:40, closed)

Love it!
M'ladyfriend came downstairs last saturday night to find me sleeping on the futon. When she presented me with her upset face, I presented her with my "I need to fucking sleep" retort.

To make matters worse, I sleep diagonally.
I also only see her at weekends.

It's not natural, the whole couples, monogamy, same bed/bedroom thing.
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 12:20, closed)

A click
for the use of thunderchuff
( Terry Oblong There's nobody here but us chickens on, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 16:19, closed)

Secret of a happy marriage:
Having a spare bed to allow tactical retreats.
( Olembe Refuses to write in this space, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 17:39, closed)

Mrs Kite,
talks in her sleep. Her latest?

"Flying Monkeys! Shoot! Shoot! Shoot!"

WTF?
(kitescreech still here, Wed 25 Feb 2009, 16:33, closed)