Food, and lots of it
Until recently, I used to be nearly constantly hungry, eating anything and not putting on a kilo. This was not a good thing when walking past a fast food shop...

I hate fast food. It's all kind of vile. I'd rather eat Ann Widdicombe's pube infested knickers rather than eat a Big Mac normally... but when hungry, I ate. So it was I found myself consuming four of these putrid contrivances in one sitting in an attempt to satisfy my stomach.

Not a good plan. Each once settled in my gut like the finest builders concrete. Then they lodged. For three days the pressure grew inside me. I could feel it settling, like a small warband of vikings wanting to get out. Over the days the viking upgraded from fists, to sticks, to axes. I was running to the toilet every couple of hours, trying to shift it, but nothing came out.

Woke up on the third day. From somewhere, the vikings had found a battering ram, set it on fire and were making anew their escape attempt from my colon. Ran to the toilet, screwed up my eyes and pushed.

*POP*

A solid lump of shit came flying from my arse, followed by a liquid fountain of foul black tar. It felt like I was back with my old boyfriend after a good solid rogering. The spray of liquid shit hit the toilet, bounced and fell back down in a light shower, turning the bathroom in to a medieval cesspit. All I can say is, thank god for wetrooms.

Next time I went to Burger King instead.
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Fri 22 May 2009, 21:41, 3 replies)

erm thanks
you seem like - quite sexy an' all

til, well - lets not judge

maybe a bit of broccoli or whatnot?

*uneasies*

lets maintain the mystique, hmm?

yeah?
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Fri 22 May 2009, 22:53, closed)

Why, Mr Spimf!
I do declare you are flirting with me, you devilish rogue you.
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Fri 22 May 2009, 22:58, closed)

That was
fucking gross. *click* for your awesome crap though. I'd give you a high five too, if you'd washed your hands.
(Leyxia, Wed 27 May 2009, 14:53, closed)