I make no apologies for this
Straight from 'Wake up to Wogan' - a Janet and John tale. Full of innuendo.


John learns how to be a journalist.
John is not a Journalist. John reads the news. Journalists make it up.

John is on a conversion course.

Do you know what a conversion course is?

A conversion course is something you do when you want to be taken seriously.

John is not taken seriously. People point and laugh. Poor John.

For his homework, John has to have dinner and some wine in a restaurant, and then write all about it.

If he writes a nice story, he will get six gold stars. Lucky John.

John's friend Alan knows all about food and wine. Paint Alan's nose red.

Alan suggests a nice restaurant near Waterloo bridge.

John looks worried.

'What's the matter John?', says Alan.

John says 'I have to take someone with me, but I don't know who to ask'. See John blub.

'There there', says Alan. 'I will ask Amanda on reception, I've heard that she will do anything for a nice meal'. Kind Alan.

John and Amanda go to the restaurant. Do you think Oxo is a funny name for a restaurant?

John is very excited. John likes his food. Amanda is a bit nervous as the restaurant is on the 8th floor and she is afraid of heights.

While they wait to be served John gets Amanda some wine and she soon feels better.

Soon the waiter arrives with the food. John gobbles down his dinner. See Amanda picking bits of food out of her hair.

Soon it is time to go. Amanda does not have enough money to pay for both meals so John makes up the difference. Do you know what a hairy old skinflint is? Amanda does.

When John gets home, Janet asks what he did at work today.

'Today I was behaving like a journalist'. I took our receptionist out for a treat.

Alan said he wanted Amanda Ryder on the desk in reception because she would do anyone a favour. We went to a very nice place to eat. But Amanda needed a few drinks because she'd never been taken up the Oxo Tower before and was a bit nervous. Afterwards she said that she would suggest it to her boyfriend.

Can you hit a moving target with a four-slice toaster? Janet can. See Janet chase John.

Run John, run.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 12 Jun 2008, 16:46, 4 replies)

I was sat on my bedroom floor having a shave when I heard this one
The radio was on, and I thought 'where on earth is this going'?

Then it got to the 'taken up the Oxo Tower' bit. I swear, I laughed so hard I fell over. Not an easy thing to do when you're already sitting on the floor...

Fortunately it was an electric razor, so I didn't cut myself. That would have been a right cunt of a thing to happen.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 12 Jun 2008, 16:54, closed)

I have to say I do like these
but the guy who writes them has fallen out with mr b3th and so I cannot officially like them.

I believe he threatened to stick his size 13s up mr b3th's arse.

I've quite often wanted to do the same thing myself, but nobody else is allowed to say it.

And I don't have size 13s. I have dainty little size 6s.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 12 Jun 2008, 23:34, closed)

Ah yes
I remember that story quite fondly - took me a good while to stop crying with laughter.

www.london-eating.co.uk/1626.htm - unfortunately all of the additional comments have been removed.
(Swarve, Fri 13 Jun 2008, 7:30, closed)