Attack the Pussy!
I used to be a teacher. I know that’s a bit of a scary thought, the Devil teaching, but there we are.

Anyway, I was teaching at a Drama School, and had been for about 6 months. I took three classes, for three different age groups, comprising of four different disciplines (Improv, Comedy, Classical and Modern). The remaining part of my work was directing the end-of-term showcase to which family members and, more importantly, agents would be invited.

I’d gone in to the school with some very heady ideas about discovering the ‘next big thing’, hoping that I’d find some very talented people with which to work.

It turned out that my hopes were way, way above the mark.

But enough of that. I was directing (aside from various sketches and songs) three scenes for group ensemble pieces. One was ‘Hair’ (for the 16-24’s), one was ‘Mary Poppins’ (for the 10-16’s), and one was ‘Cats’ for the 6-10’s.

In one rehearsal for ‘Cats’, I had just about had enough of the little shits in the class. I was tired of having to deal with their parents who kept assuring me that their offspring was the finest gift to the Theatre since Gielgud had first trodden the boards, and I was tired of the fact that, even with good luck and a following wind, the only person that was going to look rubbish was me. These kids weren’t even rubbish. What with every single one of them being the by product of their parents living vicariously through them, they were awful. (One incredulously asked me once “What would you know about acting and the theatre anyway?” A quick reply of “Oh, I don’t know, 10 years of Classical training, a degree, a published journal, three European tours, dozens of plays, 4 films and several TV shows would say that I’ve got a bit of experience, don’t you think?” seemed to shut them up.)

And so it came to pass that, while trying to inject some chutzpah in to the proceedings, I spake the following line:

“No, no, NO! Don’t just pull at it! You have to work it, but gently. Start with a little stroke. That’s it. Now, do it a little harder. Yes! No! Now, more frantically! Yes! Tug! Yank it! Now, all of you! GET IN THERE! Yes! Yes! Yes!”

I was, of course, directing a scene where the Cats attack each other. However, the boss did say that I ‘might want to be careful’ how I phrased myself in the future.

I don’t teach there any more...

(At the risk of sounding like a prat, you may now have worked out what it is I want to do with my life. Yes, I trained to be an actor, and yes, it’s all I really want to do. But, I lack the bravery to really give it a go...)
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 13 Jun 2008, 10:11, 20 replies)

I never seem to comment
On your posts.

But I think that your stories are the best on the QOTW.
Seriously.
*click*
( Cawl, Fri 13 Jun 2008, 10:16, closed)

@ DiT
do it!

i've got a theatre you can borrow

for a small fee
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Fri 13 Jun 2008, 10:19, closed)

...
Hair for 16-24 year olds? You mean the musical with the nudity?

Brave!
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 13 Jun 2008, 10:23, closed)

^There was no nudity...
They just did 'Age of Aquarius' and 'Hair' for the songs.

They didn't do the whole play, so the nudey bits were cut. The scene which came closest to it had them on the floor in their clothes.

EDIT: Aw, shucks, Kaol... *doesn't know where to look*
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 13 Jun 2008, 10:24, closed)

@Enzyme
Yes, I wondered about that too. Seems a bit risky. (risqué?)
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 13 Jun 2008, 10:24, closed)

You would think
with the amount of talented writers on here, including yourself, B3TA could produce the greatest story ever told with your good self in the leading role. I'll play the Irish guy providing comic relief through incompetence or drunkenness. I'm good at that.
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Fri 13 Jun 2008, 10:25, closed)

@baz
Yup, and there's plenty of musicians to fill the orchestra pit. Although we do play in a rather disparate range of styles!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 13 Jun 2008, 10:27, closed)

the disparate styles
could work to our advantage, it'll be seen as experimental

that'll give us a lot more leeway if we are shit
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 13 Jun 2008, 10:29, closed)

I want a part!
This sounds fun...
( Cawl, Fri 13 Jun 2008, 10:34, closed)

grand so - I've copyrighted the idea
B3TA geniuses are go and the cheques start rolling in - I only glanced through 'The Secret' but it appears to be working.


/joke (no cheques yet)
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Fri 13 Jun 2008, 10:35, closed)

@Vipros
Yes, a kind of blues/rock/metal/traditional/pop fusion.

And because it's experimental, nobody knows what it should sound like.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 13 Jun 2008, 10:46, closed)

MahavishnuOpethTalkingHeads
cool name.
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Fri 13 Jun 2008, 10:49, closed)

Count me in!
Seriously though - go for it!
My biggest regret in life (I've had a few, but then again... stop it!) is not going for a career in singing. I had the confidence to sing, but not to chase the work.
(misspiggy In danger of having to get a job, Fri 13 Jun 2008, 10:53, closed)

@Misspiggy
Isnt that just it though? - you may well believe you have the talent but performing to task just takes the pleasure away. When not doing the most boring job in the world I have written for a couple of different publications and it gives me no pleasure to write what does not interest me.
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Fri 13 Jun 2008, 10:56, closed)

Well,
I think, for me, it's not the performing to task because with acting you really do give something of yourself to it.

No, for me it's the abject fear of failure. Fun!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 13 Jun 2008, 10:58, closed)

You live with failure
every day you dont try - that's easy.
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Fri 13 Jun 2008, 11:08, closed)

^
That was very profound.

Right. I'm going to set about getting me an agent!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 13 Jun 2008, 11:16, closed)

I'm looking for a change of direction
I'll be your agent...
( Cawl, Fri 13 Jun 2008, 11:24, closed)

@ Devil
Me too. It's all I wanted to do since I was 5 years old. Whenever I got up the courage to tell someone, they told me I was being silly.

After my degree I did a course in acting at a local college, and I've always had great reviews, but there still always seems to be a reason not to try.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 13 Jun 2008, 12:10, closed)

Ooo Ooo Pick Me!
I've got backstage experience.....HA!

No really, I ran behind the scenes of a play recently, wasn't the most fun, but would be interested in doing it again!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 19 Jun 2008, 12:11, closed)