Accidental innuendoFreddy Woo writes, "A woman I used to work with once walked into a car workshop to get her windscreen replaced, and uttered the immortal line, "Have you seen the size of my crack?"
What innuendos have you accidentally walked into? Are you a 1970s Carry On film character?
Extra points for the inappropriateness of the context
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chthonic, Thu 12 Jun 2008, 12:05)
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At School - and this isn't a pun by the way,there were two girls in our class, one called Sophie Titwank and the other called Nicola Tipbank. We always used to refer to Nicola as "Soapy" because she was always really clean.
As in regularly washed, sexually she was as depraved as a Spaniard after six bottles of Rioja , there was one time when she let this guy do her up the arse while she sung "Girls and Boys" by Blur, and then she squatted over him and crapped on his chest once he was done. Like I said, filthy.
But I digress. The incident in question occurred during our fifth year. It was the inter-tutor football finals and my class had made it through. I was the team captain, and in order to make sure everyone got involved, you had to field a new team for each game.
So I was out on the pitch with the class in front of me, and each captain would call out the name of the person they wanted, and that would your team. Now I reckon you can guess what happened to me, and you'd be right.
You see I meant to call out Sophie Titwank, cause she was ace in goal, but instead I shouted out "I want Soapy Tipbank" and got Nicola instead. And she was crap in goal as she normally played left wing.
And we lost 7-2. I was gutted.
Still, we all had fun, and afterwards old Soapy let me finger her round by the bike sheds while she sucked off Jonny Deacon. Good times them, good times.
(, Wed 18 Jun 2008, 18:37, 3 replies)
Fan-feckin-tastic!You're a genius. I shall tell you so in person at 7pm tomorrow.
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crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 18 Jun 2008, 18:43,
closed)
A strikingly similar thing happened to meSome of the other masters and myself had gone for a relaxing massage earlier in the day, and we must have got round to discussing the afternoon's impending match, because they swore blind I had said that I wanted to have 'Nicholas Shand-Handy'. With all the excitement, I couldn't be sure that I hadn't said it, and took it on the chin.
Mind you, he was awful at the game, so I had to pull him off at half-time.
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Ghoti Fingers, Wed 18 Jun 2008, 20:58,
closed)
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