Fancy Dress Shenanigans in the Royal Navy....
It was some bright spark's idea on HMS Bristol in 1990 that all mess members go out for the night in fancy dress to Portsmouth.

So, the date for the 'run ashore' was set and we all went about getting our costumes. There was the usual array of monks, cowboys, St Trinians etc and a rather superb pantomime horse. My receding hairstyle made for a great Count Dracula.

Having supped copious tins of Red Death and CSB in the mess beforehand all 20 or so of us set out to cross the dockyard and head for Pompey.

The first stop for much mirth and pissing of pants was when we were stopped at the gate and asked for RN ID cards. This was a rule introduced a month earlier for those going OUT of the gate as well as in.

Anyhoo, we all complied except for the pantomime horse who tried to make a gallop for it out of the gate (appropriately enough called 'Unicorn Gate').

"Oi!Stop!" shouted the Mod Plod at the gate, I need to see your ID card.

With that a solitary hand clutching a card came out of the horse's arse for inspection by the copper. Believe it or not he checked the photo on the card and waved the horse on keeping a straight face throughout and not even acknowledging that it took two to make a successful pantomime horse!

So the night went on and I'll spare you most of the debauched details of the nun's antics with the St Trinians girls.

The following morning, with hangovers rampant we were all spinning the stories of the previous night, all of us bouyant after a cracking night out. All except the Womble that was who had lost his Orinoco head and (therefore his £25 deposit) after getting in a fight with some lads off of HMS Cleopatra.

Someone soon noticed however that not everyone had returned on time and Jock Fraser (Bugs Bunny the night before) was missing, last seen chatting up some sort in the corner of Joannas Night Club (aka the Royal Navy School of Dancing)...

Worry not though, because a grinning Bugs Bunny returned to the ship at 1000, 3 hours late still clutching his plastic carrot and greeted by our Commander at the top of the gangway for imminent 'trooping'. Ordered to appear before the Captain the following day he was relieved to hear that he wouldn't be charged because the Captain said Bugs Bunny's return was 'the funniest thing' he'd seen in 20 years in the RN.

The close to this story however, was the letter received by Able Seaman England (Orinoco the Womble to you and me) from 5 lads in 3Romeo Mess, HMS Cleopatra. They had sailed to the Falklands the following day for a 6 month deployment and had enclosed a picture of one of their lads proudly wearing Orinoco's head at the Equator.
( Nobby's Alter Ego has the ball ache about something or other, Fri 24 Mar 2006, 2:37, Reply)