In the Army Now - The joy of the Armed ForcesI've never been a soldier. I was an air cadet once, but that mostly involved sitting in a mouldy hut learning about aeroplane engines with the hint that one day we might go flying.
Yet, anyone who has spent time defending their nation, or at least drinking bromide-laced-tea for their nation, must have stories to tell. Tell them now.
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chthonic, Thu 23 Mar 2006, 18:26)
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Good old spamsI got a bit of a reputation for being quick witted at my last base (not difficult when you're mainly out drinking with the US Navy).
One day, I come back off leave, and goto the yank bar (£1 a bottle - worth it even is it was piss weak yank beer). At this point i was informed of a newly arrived chap who apparently thought he was gods gift to everything.
In teh interest of being sporting, I decide to give the guy a chance before ripping his frail illusion to shreds. New bloke walks in, and we're introduced. He's dressed in a vest, excessively long shorts (or excessively short trousers - never can be sure) gold necklace partially obscured by his chest hair, hairy shoulders, socks and sandals.
His name is charles, but he prefers to be called "chip". Therefore in typical british style, I call him "crisp", as thats what we call chips over here.
Oh dear!!!!
So we get chatting, and indeed he IS gods gift to women, the USN, and god. Hehehe..... his time has come methinks!!
The conversation moved to me asking him where he was from. He replied florida (having been there on hols, I know its very easy to get a tan, but his is a bit permanent), so along those lines I asked him if he had any mixed ethnicity in his blood.
At this point everyone in the bar is listening avidly as to whats going to happen and he's revelling in the attention.... hehehe.... dickhead!!!
He replies, "well, my mom is from new york, and my pop was from cuba"
"fuck me.... he must have been a damn good swimmer to get all the way up there!!!"
Cue all of the regulars (including the non-smokers walking out for a smoke to conceal the laughter), and a look of complete and utter shock on the face of the newbie.
I just finished my beer and carried on chatting to him as if nothing had happened. It took till the end of the night for someone to tell him that all of it had been set up.
We took him into newquay the following weekend to test the amazing fortitude he 'had' while consuming alcohol.
4 pints later, and he's about 3 sips from chatting up the bar stool.
After all of that, we took the piss out of him so often he only went to the yank bar on special occasions.
muhahaha
apols 4 length, he couldn't contain it (apparently)
(, Mon 27 Mar 2006, 11:32, Reply)
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