In the Army Now - The joy of the Armed Forces
I've never been a soldier. I was an air cadet once, but that mostly involved sitting in a mouldy hut learning about aeroplane engines with the hint that one day we might go flying.
Yet, anyone who has spent time defending their nation, or at least drinking bromide-laced-tea for their nation, must have stories to tell. Tell them now.
( , Thu 23 Mar 2006, 18:26)
I've never been a soldier. I was an air cadet once, but that mostly involved sitting in a mouldy hut learning about aeroplane engines with the hint that one day we might go flying.
Yet, anyone who has spent time defending their nation, or at least drinking bromide-laced-tea for their nation, must have stories to tell. Tell them now.
( , Thu 23 Mar 2006, 18:26)
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10 minus 1 fingers
This one is quite famous back home (Turkey). It smells a bit like an urban legend to me, you be the judge.
There was a young man in the big city who fished for a living. Not the industrial scale, Atlantic Ocean, 5 tons a catch kind of fishing though. With a 20 foot boat, a medium sized net and plenty of heavy physical labour. He was an exceptionally big lad to begin with but the daily lifting and rowing involved in his job had turned him into a proper giant by his late teens. This didn't go unnoticed with the local mobster, who made him a job offer, which our guy accepted. So, now some nights he fished, some nights he broke legs, smashed jaws and enforced his employer's authority in a range of other methods.
A few years later the military somehow found records of him and served him with his draft papers. Being of the reclusive kind, who hated human contact, let alone being ordered around, he predicted he would put a fellow soldier or worse yet a superior officer in a coma and be courtmarshalled within a week of his arrival. He spoke to his boss, who pulled some strings, spoke to some big shots but failed at getting him out of his 18 month compulsory, military service. (the expression "death and taxes" becomes "death and army" in Turkey)
He decided to do something to render himself unfit for service. His best friend suggested him to stick a buttplug up his ass for 24 hours before his medical and then pretend to be gay. He opted out of that one. The same guy mentioned that he would be exempt from service if he was missing his "trigger finger". His index finger. He liked that one more. He didn't shoot much anyway, since his boss didn't consider him bright enough to handle firearms.
A few days later him and his buddy went to the docks at night. He dropped a couple of hospice-grade pain killers and washed them down with a lot of booze. Once he decided he was numb and buzzed enough, he took out his knife and got rid of his index finger with one chop. They crushed the chopped bit between two rocks so he could tell the doctor it was an accident.
They arrived at the emergency room. The doc looked at his finger and told him it's damaged to badly to be reattached. He stopped the bleeding and dressed the wound. Our guy asked the doctor wether he could get a report declaring his ineligibility as a soldier at that hospital. The doctor looked at his hand and said, "You'll still serve, the finger was on your LEFT hand".
The story goes that he was drafted, shipped to a commando division in the eastern provinces and became the best sharp shooter of the division's history. His officers would say that god had given the strength of two fingers to one.
( , Wed 29 Mar 2006, 4:06, Reply)
This one is quite famous back home (Turkey). It smells a bit like an urban legend to me, you be the judge.
There was a young man in the big city who fished for a living. Not the industrial scale, Atlantic Ocean, 5 tons a catch kind of fishing though. With a 20 foot boat, a medium sized net and plenty of heavy physical labour. He was an exceptionally big lad to begin with but the daily lifting and rowing involved in his job had turned him into a proper giant by his late teens. This didn't go unnoticed with the local mobster, who made him a job offer, which our guy accepted. So, now some nights he fished, some nights he broke legs, smashed jaws and enforced his employer's authority in a range of other methods.
A few years later the military somehow found records of him and served him with his draft papers. Being of the reclusive kind, who hated human contact, let alone being ordered around, he predicted he would put a fellow soldier or worse yet a superior officer in a coma and be courtmarshalled within a week of his arrival. He spoke to his boss, who pulled some strings, spoke to some big shots but failed at getting him out of his 18 month compulsory, military service. (the expression "death and taxes" becomes "death and army" in Turkey)
He decided to do something to render himself unfit for service. His best friend suggested him to stick a buttplug up his ass for 24 hours before his medical and then pretend to be gay. He opted out of that one. The same guy mentioned that he would be exempt from service if he was missing his "trigger finger". His index finger. He liked that one more. He didn't shoot much anyway, since his boss didn't consider him bright enough to handle firearms.
A few days later him and his buddy went to the docks at night. He dropped a couple of hospice-grade pain killers and washed them down with a lot of booze. Once he decided he was numb and buzzed enough, he took out his knife and got rid of his index finger with one chop. They crushed the chopped bit between two rocks so he could tell the doctor it was an accident.
They arrived at the emergency room. The doc looked at his finger and told him it's damaged to badly to be reattached. He stopped the bleeding and dressed the wound. Our guy asked the doctor wether he could get a report declaring his ineligibility as a soldier at that hospital. The doctor looked at his hand and said, "You'll still serve, the finger was on your LEFT hand".
The story goes that he was drafted, shipped to a commando division in the eastern provinces and became the best sharp shooter of the division's history. His officers would say that god had given the strength of two fingers to one.
( , Wed 29 Mar 2006, 4:06, Reply)
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