On the roads (including appropriate punishments for transgression)
Cyclists:
1) Red-light ignorers: They obviously have no use for their eyes. Tear them out and fill the bleeding sockets with lemons and salt. Obey the Highway Code, fuckwits.
2) Pavement jockeys: Only fit to be smashed in the face with a bat. Get on the road, retards.
Car drivers:
1) Red-light ignorers: Treat as cyclists, but add some chilli pepper.
2) Stop-line incompetents: Cars stop at the FIRST stop-line. The advanced stop-line is for cyclists (where it exists). Simply chop off and crush any part of the car that extends beyond the first stop line. Hopefully that includes the driver.
3) Non-indicators: Usually BMW drivers. Usually total cunts. Snap each bone in each finger with pliers. And what does BMW stand for? "Big Massive Wanker".
Bikers:
1) Licence minnows: Simply insert the sub-size plate into the offender's rectum. Sharpen the edges first.
2) Street-stunters: Get Kevin Carmichael to do a burn out on their genitalia. Then tell the stunters to use a close track next time.
All:
1) Poor lane discipline: Not keeping left, not letting others pass etc. Just publicly execute them. With spoons.
(SpangleDangle >->)))'>, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 17:53, 6 replies)

Also
Driving too slowly (It kind of goes with poor lane discipline)
( An Egg ,D, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 17:58, closed)

Is the OP
a black rat?
(Gru being trolled since 1998, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 20:09, closed)

You forgot;
Driving with fog lights on. Unless it's really foggy, they do nothing at all. Most twunts only put their side lights on to enable the fog lights - thus limiting not just other people's view when they approach you, but their ability to see more than 10 feet in front of them.

I'll leave their fate to you - you seem to have a talent for suitable punishments :-)
(Kliper Filllets Getting noticed by twats on the internet since, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 20:40, closed)

Lots of Hell-yes here
I can just about cope with cyclists on pavements. What I loathe is certain cyclists' use of their brake as a bell. Few things give me that warm stabby feeling like walking along a pavement, only for some cock on a bike to come hurtling up behind me and, rather than slow down and say "Excuse me" (or even, y'know, use the fucking road), instead screech his brakes. I hate the whole implication that I'm in the wrong, like I've just sprouted from the ground unexpectedly in front of him like some sort of twat-shaped cactus.

Non-indicating bastards can piss off too. I dread to think how much of my life I've wasted sitting at a roundabout, expecting the oncoming car to go straight across and instead to turn left. Admittedly I'd probably be spending that extra time watching You've Been Framed or annoying the cat, but it's the principle of the whole thing.

N.B. I'm probably a bloody awful pedestrian too.
(costas, Sun 3 Apr 2011, 21:56, closed)

Sigh
Bought a car recently. First non british car I've ever owned.

'Tis a BMW, and I now know why BMW drivers are hated the world over.
I'm no worse a driver than I was before, no more rude or impatient at junctions.

I've just got two honking great screen pillars runing my side visibility requiring me to whip my head back and forth like a nodding dog to be able to see anything at all.

Selling it and getting another XJ6 as soon as I can.
( DukeEuphoria Comes highly reccomended, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 16:02, closed)

Drivers overtaking cyclists
On busy country roads. Nothing wrong with that, its the amount of space some drivers give. A small percentage of car, bus and van drivers seem to want to give them a whole lane and think its fine to almost hit oncoming traffic!
(muzzvsworld, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 1:20, closed)