I was recently reminded of a former acquaintance
Dave was one of those 'friends of a friend' that no-one would admit to being a friend of. The story that was brought to mind recently concerns his discovery that most women's toilets were far cleaner and more pleasant than the corresponding men's facilities. This became quite a bone of contention with him, and many was the rant we had to listen to about how sexist this was and how this was all the proof he needed that womankind had won the War of the Sexes and had now completely subjugated all men.
So, he took action. Did he inveigle other men not to piss on the floor? Did he reproach them for throwing used paper towels anywhere but the bin? Did he criticise them for not flushing the toilet properly? Of course not. Instead, he would use the women's toilets and pride himself on making them completely unusable for others until they had been thoroughly decontaminated. His favourite trick was to bend over, clutch his ankles and spray shit over as much of the cubicle as he possibly could.
He thought of himself as a hero, someone boldly taking the fight to the front lines in the war against the oppression of men. Coincidentally, he also didn't like any 'people of colour' as they were all uncivilised, filthy beasts, not worthy of being called human.
( wakeupandsmellthebacon, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 11:17, 21 replies)

Does Dave have some sort of newsletter I can sign up to?

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Fri 11 Oct 2013, 11:21, closed)

In N'Awlins recently I had the pleasure of employing a piss trough full of ice-cubes.
Brilliant. Not only fun, but completely kills the stink.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 11:35, closed)

it's worth remembering
That "urinal cake isn't cake"

someone told me that in all seriousness once. I'm unsure if he found out the hard way or assumed other people might be confused. or he might have just been telling me of course ... making it a very cryptic insult
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 11:53, closed)

That is an excellent way of telling someone they have bad breath.
"Have you got those files?"

"Yes - I'll process them tomorrow. By the way - you do know that urinal cake isn't cake, don't you?"
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 11:55, closed)

I always like offering people a mint
Not because they have bad breath but because it makes them think they might have
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 17:19, closed)

Now you mention it,
...those little green mini-Weetabix are a bit, er, tangy
( shinyshinyscalp less a man, more a way of life, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 16:49, closed)

I know someone who ate a urinal cake out of the urinal for a five pound bet
whilst drunk and then was very very ill. I don't see him anymore
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Wed 16 Oct 2013, 12:08, closed)

Somewhere along the line,
the distinction seems to have been lost between 'irrational people' and 'cunts'.
( .Yeti., Fri 11 Oct 2013, 12:10, closed)

There's a distinction?

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 12:22, closed)

I'm sure there's a nice way to be irrational.
Something that doesn't involve projectile shitting, for example.
( .Yeti., Fri 11 Oct 2013, 12:28, closed)

BORING.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 12:30, closed)

What the shuddering fuck is WRONG with you?

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Fri 11 Oct 2013, 13:07, closed)

has anyone said 'b3ta' yet

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 12:26, closed)

I was always led to believe that men's toilets were much cleaner than women's.
Dave must really get around.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 13:17, closed)

He's like some sort of superhero.
The Rectal Fountain!
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Fri 11 Oct 2013, 14:20, closed)

The Anal Avenger!

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Fri 11 Oct 2013, 14:40, closed)

The Brown Streak!

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Fri 11 Oct 2013, 14:40, closed)

Flash In The Pan!

( .Yeti., Fri 11 Oct 2013, 14:53, closed)

The Heinous Anus!

(The Incredible Sulk Finally remembered his password on, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 16:22, closed)

WINNER!

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Fri 11 Oct 2013, 16:32, closed)

And his loyal sidekick, tub girl

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Fri 11 Oct 2013, 17:29, closed)