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This is a question Kids

Either you love 'em or you hate 'em. Or in the case of Fred West - both. Tell us your ankle-biter stories.

(, Thu 17 Apr 2008, 15:10)
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How I Prevented a Woman from Breeding
Or, How I Stopped a Bitter Old Woman Inflicting Her Brood Upon the World.

Every kid goes through a period of wanting to be something fairly impossible. I was no exception. In fairly quick succession, I wanted to be: an assassin, a brain surgeon, a marine biologist, Indiana Jones, a housewife, a boy, Chewbacca, Miss Moneypenny, Baron Munchausen, the man in the moon, a vampire, a bat, a vampire bat (which resulted in me embarassing my parents by hanging upside-down from the handrails in the subway - when we were living in the USA - and screeching at people), and a dog.

A small, yappy type dog. I used to scamper up and down the stairs on all fours, whine when I was hungry, curl up in a little ball to sleep, hold up my "paw" to shake hands, and bark at people.

One day, my mother was walking me to school; she was thinking about her next lecture, I was sniffing lamposts and growling at squirrels. We rounded the corner, and bumped into a lecturer that knew both of my parents, so they stopped to make polite small talk, and gossip about university life. This conversation bored me, so after trotting around her a few times sniffing her coat (and her nervously trying to keep talking to my mother without appearing too distracted), I stopped, barked at her, and cocked my leg against her.*

The conversation finished swiftly, my mother, holding back laughter, dragged me off to school, whilst the other woman walked off hurriedly in the other direction, shooting confused and disgusted looks back at me.

I wasn't told until much later that she had recently got married, and was in two minds about whether or not to have any children. After meeting me, she firmly decided that a childless life was infinitely preferable to the shame of dragging around a species-confused child.

She was a silly old harridan though, so I like to think that I stopped her inflicting her genes on the world.

*I did NOT pee on her. I just pretended to.
(, Fri 18 Apr 2008, 11:24, 4 replies)
(, Fri 18 Apr 2008, 11:27, closed)
If that put her off
she wouldn't have coped with kids of her own.
(, Fri 18 Apr 2008, 12:37, closed)
Small yappy type dog.
That made me think of Izzard talking about how Cesar used to be called Mr Dog :) *click*, I used to do the same thing!
(, Fri 18 Apr 2008, 15:22, closed)
My youngest did the dog thing for quite a while. She still does occasionally. It's so damn cute!

If that woman had any brains, she would have reached down, patted you on the head, and said "what a cute puppy"
(, Sat 19 Apr 2008, 7:13, closed)

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