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This is a question Kids

Either you love 'em or you hate 'em. Or in the case of Fred West - both. Tell us your ankle-biter stories.

(, Thu 17 Apr 2008, 14:10)
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Two true tales
Both from around the same time - my son was very young, around 2 years old. The first was just sort of funny (after the fact). The second, I still don't know.

The first: we were in the local swimming playpark - not a proper pool, just rubber rings, and a wave pool, and jacuzzi beds. Leith Waterworld - always a handy weekend destination. Coming out of the wave pool, my son sees a very large lady spilling out of her costume in all directions and pipes up: "Fucking troll! Fucking troll, Daddy!" He's not being quiet, and half the poolgoers hear this, especially as he's pointing straight at her. She goes scarlet and scurries away. I tell him I'm very cross with him, he's being very rude, and we're going home now. This does not make him happy. I pick him up and cart him off to find my wife, who's on the jacuzzi beds, and tell her we'll be leaving, even though we've only been there 10 minutes.

"Why, what's the matter?"

"Well, your son just called a woman a very nasty name."

At this, Little Sasquatch speaks up: "Not nasty. She fucking troll!" Mrs Sasquatch blanches, and asks him where he's heard such horrible language.

"Thomas Tank!"

It takes a few moments, but understanding slowly dawns. "Oh, you meant 'Fat Controller!" We leave anyway - the thought of trying to deliver that explanation to the lady in question just didn't appeal somehow.

The second one weirds me out to this day. We were in a mini-mall, and waiting outside the health food shop, as it was tiny, and packed, and didn't need all three of us to go in for a few bits of shopping. Across the way was one of those art/print/poster shops, and in the window was a print of the classic Barrie Clark picture of a Spitfire. More interesting to a small child than rice and spices, I thought, so we went over.

"Isn't that a nice aeroplane?" I say.
"Spitfire." says my not-two-year-old son.
"Spitfire." he repeats.

It's not written on it anywhere, and he's not reading yet anyway. How the hell does he know?

Then he says, clearly, and in a broad Yorkshire accent: "Aye, that's the one. We can do it. Give 'em hell, lads!" Then he looks up at me and repeats, as if he's the one speaking to a small child: "Spitfire."

At this point Mrs Sasquatch emerges with shopping and he runs over to greet her. The moment, whatever it was, is over, and he never makes further mention of it. It kind of stuck in my mind though, although I never heard from our own personal 'Captain Howdy' ever again.
(, Sun 20 Apr 2008, 0:56, closed)
Do you think he was remembering something?
(, Sun 20 Apr 2008, 7:18, closed)
Great stories, well told. *clicky*
(, Sun 20 Apr 2008, 7:24, closed)
sure you hadnt been on the waccy baccy?
(, Sun 20 Apr 2008, 8:41, closed)
Ace entry, both great anecdotes.
Similar to the second one, not worthy of its own post: when I was not quite two, my mum was pushing me in my pram along the Thames towpath. Out of the blue I suddenly said 'Walton-on-Thames', which was the next town over. I don't know if I was just babbling and happened to make the right sounds, or whether I'd heard it somewhere and repeated it.
(, Sun 20 Apr 2008, 9:34, closed)
somewhat related to the second
my boyfriend is at times a creepy bastard
and wasn't much different as a child.

When he was little he kept drawing maps all over things. Eventually got his mum to follow the map with him and it led to a grave which he claimed was his because he'd "died before" or something.
(, Sun 20 Apr 2008, 14:00, closed)
Fucking troll - I love that
Also related, I inadvertently taught my son the *c* word whilst watching Thomas the Tank Engine. I sometimes stutter y'see...
Yep, I got stuck in the middle of Controller :o/
(, Sun 20 Apr 2008, 14:30, closed)
my first words...
...were (in received pronunciation) "No Minnie, get down." I was six months old, and the dog was trying to jump up onto the bed. My parents thought they were hallucinating.
(, Sun 20 Apr 2008, 15:34, closed)
Thats so weird!
(, Mon 21 Apr 2008, 9:12, closed)
Okay, that's really freaking freaky. Not quite as freaky as the picture for the "Captain Howdy" article on Wikipedia, but still really freaky.
(, Wed 23 Apr 2008, 9:27, closed)

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