Time delay swearing
My friend Gary is a bloody magnificent father. That's a bold statement to make, but seeing him with his kids is a wonderous thing to behold, for he's patient, never patronising and always treats them like they're mini-adults, taking the time to explain things to them in minute detail. Whenever any of our friends throws a child friendly function, you'll find Gary being followed by legions of doe eyed children all following him like lost sheep. He's truly in his element with kids.

A few years back, Gary was attempting to repair a PC when his hand slipped and he speared his finger with a screwdriver.

"Argh, fuck it!". Now this is an understandable and often involuntary action, however Gary was mortified when he looked up top see his two year old son Harry stood there watching him, with an expression on his face saying "Ooooh?".

Gary puts down the screwdriver, walks up to Harry and kneels to eye level.

"Harry, I'm really sorry that I used a very bad word in front of you. I shouldn't have done that, it's a terrible word and I promise to be more respectful around you in future".

Harry nodded.

Everybody say "Aww!"

"Now mummy mustn't ever hear that word, for she'll be very angry with the pair of us" continued Gary, doing the evergreen Good-Cop-Bad-Cop routine to great effect.

Now Gary sweats for a few days, hoping that Harry won't imitate him. However, the days pass without sweary incident and Gary begins to relax a little. Even a couple of weeks later, when Harry drops something and hurts himself, he merely cries and says "mummy it hurts" instead of uttering the forbidden hurty word.

A few weeks later, the family are all walking through the local DIY store, while Harry appears to be happily mumbling to himself in that undecipherable fashion so beloved of the under fives. Gary's attention is diverted when all of a sudden his blood runs cold.

"Laa-dee-daa-dee-fuckit-dee-daa..."

Gary tries the subtle approach

"Shush Harry!" hisses Gary quietly

"Laa-dee-FUCKIT-dee-daa..."

Mrs Gary was stunned and turns to Harry.

"What was that you just said young man?" Asks Mrs Gary.

"fuckit?" squeaks Harry innocently

The two flustered parents tried desperately to coax Harry into being quiet.

"Fuckit? Fuckit... Fuckit-Fuckit-Fuckit!"

Shoppers meanwhile are staring to turn around and look. Harry is in his element, for despite two parents desperately trying to placate the sweary toddler, Harry is now jumping up and down on a chair enjoying his moment in the limelight.

"Hehehehehe-FUCKIT!-Hehehehe-FUCK-IT!-Hahahaha"
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Mon 21 Apr 2008, 14:27, 3 replies)

Certain phrases just make you disolve
Scott Adams (Dilbert) likes "Tiny Weasels".

Me - "sweary toddler" set me off there.

*click*
( Fireflier La la la la, not listening on, Mon 21 Apr 2008, 15:26, closed)

Hehe!
That kid knew exactly what he was doing. He bided his time and waited for the perfect opportunity to say his new word.
( girlinthehole, Mon 21 Apr 2008, 18:41, closed)

Of course I'm clicking this...
...because it has swearing ;o)
Did Harry think the word for screwdriver was fuckit? I'm making the connection with the DIY store...?
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Mon 21 Apr 2008, 18:57, closed)