My sisters
Three of them. Sort of like the three witches from Macbeth, only with less humility, milk of human kindness and pacificism. They, when younger, tended to operate like a wolf pack. Ever seen a nature documentary of wolves bringing down prey much larger than themselves? Thats how my sisters operated.

I once had a friend round, staying overnight as we'd been out to a club. In the morning poor Joe* is a little hungover. He sat, bathed in the early morning light, groggily sipping a cup of tea. Several feet away, peeking around the corner of the door is the Pack, then aged 8, 10 and 12.

Joe* never knew what hit him. Two of them used a skipping rope to pinion his arms to the chair, whilst the other put a dish cloth in his mouth to stop him from shouting (I was upstairs at the time).

At this point Joe is probably thinking what the hell is going on. Number 2 sister then breaks out the make up box, and all three of them proceed to paint his face in a weird variety of lipstick, eyeshadow, and rouge. Then they 'style' his hair, put perfume on him, and to top the whole thing off get a spangly blue dress from the dressing up box and squash him into it. Then they bugger off, leaving the poor sod there, painted like a transvestite madonna, dressed like a cheap tart, and still tied to the chair.

My dad found him 10 minutes later, and immediately grabbed a camera and took several photos. It was only when my mother and I came downstairs that he was untied. He never stayed at mine again.

They also fight viciously amongst themselves. The youngest has put the middle one in hospital several times - once fracturing two fingers by slamming a door on her hand when we were on holiday in Wales. The youngest also concussed me with an oar (she was 5 at the time) and then managed to gash my arm with the oar as I staggered around dazed. That was 12 years ago and I still have the scar. They had full on punching fights and one was put in hospital overnight by the other at the age of 6 after being headbutted.

When my mother was pregnant with the youngest she was very tired a lot of the time, and lay down to rest on a sofa. She fell asleep & No. 1 sister (5 at the time) coloured her eyelids in with a green felt tip. The same sister also drew a large picture on the back of my dads shirt as he was having breakfast. He thought that she was tickling him, but when he got to work and took his jacket off, his secretary pointed out he had a large drawing of a cat on his back.

As for me, well when I was younger (2-4) I was obsessed with running around in the garden. Apparently anything that looked green was ripped up, to try and help with the gardening, and I would bring worms as a present for my mother. In addition I loved cadburys minieggs. One day when I was 3 or so my mother heard me crying from the garden and found me with a half eaten birds egg that had fallen out of a nest. Apparently I had thought it was a chocolate egg.

No. 1 sister once greased herself up with a huge tub of E45 cream and ran naked around the house. It took my parents an hour to catch her because she was like the Greased Up Deaf Guy from Family Guy.

Another speciality of mine was falling in ponds. Anyone know Rowntree Park in York? When I was 2 or 3 we went there during the winter. My dad had just bought his first new car. I managed to fall through the ice and get covered in the sludge at the bottom of the lake. The Old Man was not pleased on the 5 mile drive home. Six months later I did exactly the same thing (minus the ice of course).

I think the defining moment for my parents was when I decided to help with the washing. We all used the old fashioned towel nappies - the kind that you'd clean and reuse. Obviously the baby gunk was shaken into the toilet, and then the nappy was disinfected and washed. I decided to help mum as No. 1 sister had just been born. I took an entire draw of clean nappies, stuffed them into the toilet and flushed repeatedly. The bathroom carpet had to be thrown out after that. In my defence I was only 4.

Sorry for the length, I'm avoiding work.
(Zapiola zip-zap-zop, Mon 21 Apr 2008, 16:50, 5 replies)

These are great :D
And the fact that your dad had to take a photo too; that's where you all get it from.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Mon 21 Apr 2008, 17:28, closed)

And today...

( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Mon 21 Apr 2008, 17:48, closed)

I always thought my daughters had a tendency to attack like veloca raptors
but after reading about your sisters, my girls have been promoted to the status of 'perfect angels'.


Oh wait, they are pegging each other with small toys right now....
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Tue 22 Apr 2008, 1:30, closed)

Velociraptor
grr...
(The Ear-Trumpet Addicting is NOT a word., Tue 22 Apr 2008, 11:22, closed)

Haha, the drawing of the cat is making me giggle =)
*clicks*
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Tue 22 Apr 2008, 15:54, closed)