Snuffle snuffle snuffle
"Bright eyes... Burning like fire... Bright eyes..." Wait! That's flippin' rabbits you twat! All right all right... "Flea bags cut up by mower; flea bags eaten by gypsy sorts. When you snuffle round our garden, hadn't you best watch out? Flee-ee bags." Eee. It fair brings a tear to me eye, that does.

We don't garden all that often; it's mainly to do with the fact we don't have the correct equipment. Where we could do with a petrol chainsaw to deal with our wild Leylandii and where we could do with a petrol lawnmower to handle the grass we've got a crap cordless trimmer and a shitty old hover mower beloved by those who actually care for their garden areas. And it's a hassle. And it's annoying. And our grass is too long for it. And you have to make use of sheer brute strength to swing it wildly around the grassy areas... And as such you have no control. And besides which, it always bloody rains and you've got to run indoors and when the Missus goes out with the little un, a week or so later to complete the job you cowardly left to a mild drizzle; it's not the nicest thing for them to come across, the rotting corpse of poor Mrs Tiggywinkle.

Not least when I point out her little baby hedge-me-hogs will most likely have died as well.

At least Waitrose have a local Hedgehog sanctuary as one of their chosen charities at the moment so I can assuage my guilt with their little green tokens at the expense of Marie Curie cancer care.

So my story is that I have killed lots of people with cancer.
(Chickenwire social lubricator extraordinaire, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 18:16, 4 replies)

If you cut the grass regularly,
it's much easier, and it stays in better condition, too (especially if you rake up the cuttings).
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 22 Dec 2011, 19:31, closed)

Don't you
Condenscend me, man.
(Chickenwire social lubricator extraordinaire, Fri 23 Dec 2011, 7:37, closed)

I'm not condescending you,
I'm patronising you. Or being condescending, if you prefer.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sat 24 Dec 2011, 19:26, closed)

Watch,
True Romance. You killed that movie reference stone dead, my man.
(Chickenwire social lubricator extraordinaire, Tue 27 Dec 2011, 16:33, closed)