I worked with a bloke at a gold mine in the desert who I didn't get on with
He was an odd sort of character, sort of a Frank Burns type for those that remember MASH. He was resentful that after five years, I'd been hired as a geo on slightly more money than him (the company was desperate and I sensed this and negotiated). At the time, around 12 years ago, I had an almost pathological dislike of doing any useful work, and an ideal job where I could avoid it. This is not a boast, it's a character flaw I've had to come to terms with. And I was of an age fresh out of uni where I didn't give a fuck about anything.
This guy, let's call him Frank, became obsessed with trying to destroy me professionally, and came close several times. After a party where many of us were taking several different kinds of drugs, he turned up on my house doorstep early in the morning with some people to take me for a drug test, supposedly random but he'd convinced them to do mine that day. However in his enthusiasm, he hadn't waited for me to actually walk the 500m to turn up at work, so i was able to demand to be taken to the sick bay before testing, was declared too sick to work by the nurse no doubt due to the drugs, and escaped the drug test on a technicality. often I'd skive off to go back during the day to smoke pot and watch videos. I'd see him driving past my home in his landcruiser trying to find where I was (he should have been working too, I might add). I always drove through the scrub and parked behind my house rather than in the driveway in front, a simple ruse he never worked out.
I was planning to leave in 6 months and travel the world, and discovered a cupboard full of fuji slide film in the office(this was the mid 90's) that already had processing paid, which naturally I immediately decided to steal. I brought it back to my desk only to look up and see Frank standing on his desk in the cubicle next to me looking down. He accused me of stealing to my boss, however my shy boss really didn't want to get involved and seemed happy with my lame excuse that I had just taken it to ask one of the other geos if I could use it in my job.
This was the last straw as far as I was concerned, a declaration of war, but while I was thinking about what to do about it an incident occurred. I'd had some senior geos from another mine at a party at my place the week before. They'd immediately started behaving like children with a few beers under their belt, and had made a rocket launcher using some PVC pipe and a mine spray can, firing potatoes off into the night.
I had a barbie organised for the next weekend, and Frank, uninvited, turned up early for it despite our enmity, as if there was nothing between us (I told you he was odd). I was still doing the salads, so he took it upon himself to get the fire going, a 44 gallon drum cut in half on it's side, with a hot plate, chimney and standing post welded to it. He had the fire roaring in no time when I heard a bang. I looked up in time to see the flames jetting out of the barbie into Frank's face like a flamethrower. As it turned out, one of those idiot geos must have used the chimney as a rubbish bin for a half-empty spraypaint can.
I dragged him inside and got him under a cold shower, though he seemed more concerned with damaging his fake rolex from thailand than the fact that all the skin was peeling off his face. He flew out that night with the flying doc, spent a month in hospital and never returned to work.
I don't know about having the last laugh, and I wouldn't wish burns on anyone. but really he was the only person I've ever had a real problem with in my working career such as it is (I've since mellowed/become ground down), and he managed to spectacularly self immolate without me having to lift a finger
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 13:41, 20 replies)

Frank Burns type
How apt.
(Kakistos, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 13:54, closed)

ha, it was unintentional, but that used to be a joke at school. "What do hotlips hoolihan and Niki Lauda have in common"
they've both been fucked by major burns
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 14:09, closed)

So hang on, you were not pulling your weight, planning on stealing from your employer, going against your employer's policy regarding drug use and then skiving off work as a result of this and this makes him the prick?

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 18:28, closed)

^this^
I'll admit I used to go to work in all sorts of states in my youth -- but I'm not, and wasn't, proud of it and certainly wouldn't have blamed anyone but myself if I were fired.
Oh, and petty theft, how very revelious... if you're 15.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 21:20, closed)

i wasn't doing it to be rebellious, sigmund, I just wanted some film without paying for it
and somehow I doubt you would have been as pleased to be fired as you now claim. In fact, I'd guess you tried to cover up your drug taking. I live a life where now I'd be lucky to take any kind of drug more than once a year, but you don't see me looking back on my past with bullshit sanctimony
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 21:46, closed)

I wouldn't have cared that much.
I was on less than minimum wage, hence the not caring...
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:08, closed)

Now hang on a second cowboy.
Bullshit sanctimony is all these guys have, do you really want to take it away from them?
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Tue 8 Feb 2011, 10:23, closed)

if we were at school, you'd be the one saying "sir! sir! timmys doing it again", timmy might be dysfunctional, but people would think you were the prick

( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:32, closed)

Funny, I never had you down as a complete cunt.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 18:53, closed)

look, if I wanted shit I would've squeezed your head

( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:03, closed)

Token JMG post in one of these..

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 7 Feb 2011, 19:18, closed)

You realise this story makes you sound like a prick of the lowest order, right?

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 19:32, closed)

judgmental lot, aren't you
I never claimed any moral superiority over the man, nor did I have any hand in his accident apart from acting quickly to apply cold water which they told me later saved a lot of his face from more severe burns. but skiving and petty office supply theft was really none of his business, he wasn't my boss, and certainly wasn't proportional with the obsession he had with doing me in, which as I added, often included skiving off for long periods himself in order to catch me. I saw my offences as fairly victimless, apart from the gold mine, and nothing makes more money than a successful gold mine. the drugs you may have a point, however i should say that unlike the majority of mineworkers who regularly took hard drugs, I wasn't operating any heavy machinery the next day.
still, that's how it played out. if you like to throw around "prick of the lowest order" for someone who is slack at their job, it doesn't leave you with much insulting ammunition for those who set out to hurt someone else, but I'm sure you get a little buzz out of using it
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 21:38, closed)

You realise that you're just digging yourself deeper into the prick hole, right?
You've posted a story on the internet bragging about being an irresponsible, workshy, vindictive thief. And you don't expect to be picked up on it?
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 8 Feb 2011, 8:06, closed)

if you were just trying to wind me up, you've succeeded, ya bastard
not everyone tells anecdotes to big up themselves. where I come from, people tell them just because they are worth telling
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Tue 8 Feb 2011, 17:09, closed)

And your username
makes you sound like you enjoy cum.

In your mouf.
(lemonadegame, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 21:27, closed)

coming from lemonparty man, I'll file that one away

( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 21:40, closed)

No offence but this makes you look like a right, proper tool.

( WormuIus, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 22:53, closed)

So the short version is: Someone tried to catch you out for nicking stuff, for being high at work, for skiving repeatedly. Then he got burns all over his face. Ha ha ha!

Classy.
(Good Penny, Mon 7 Feb 2011, 23:58, closed)

To be fair
I wouldn't of let the piece of shit anywhere near my house, your description of this guys personality reminds me of Gareth from the office, so you showed a lot of self control. Everyone knows a massive prick like this at work, maybe the negative posters are those pricks, hence the vitriol but my hunch is they are on the wind up. It wasn't as though you burnt his face off, the prick did that all on his own. Ignore the haters mate, this story isn't bad at all and fits the MO. I personally advocate skiving off work after doing massive drugs.
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Tue 8 Feb 2011, 9:23, closed)

^^^^^^^^^^
This
( Trollman, Tue 8 Feb 2011, 9:56, closed)