Dear Tiger Woods
This is what you should have said:

To my wife, I'm sorry. I fucked up but I'm not changing so you'll either need to put up with this shit or I'll stroke you the check I agreed to in the pre-nup....sorry.

To my fans, get over it. Where I stick my dick is none of your business. I don't need any of you in order to make 10 times in one year what you'll make in a career. I promise to continue to hit 4 irons from 210 yards to within 10' of the hole and drop puts that you couldn't read in a million years. If that's not good enough for you, go watch tennis.

To the media. You cocksuckers are the only ones more two-faced than I am. Kissing my ass for all those years and then ripping me every chance you've had since Thanksgiving. Fuck y'all. I'm glad I don't have to take the time to sit and answer the same bullshit questions over and over again.

To the other golfers. Kiss my ass! You motherfuckers come out ripping me when I've put more fucking money in your pockets than you could count. You think anyone's been paying to see Jesper-fucking-Parnavik? Give me a fucking break. I'm almost tempted to give up golf just to punish you guys but I think it's going to be more fun to practice for the next few weeks and get back to making you all my bitches.

That's all I got today folks.....see ya at Augusta! ....Oh and Bambi, if you're listening I'll meet you at the Ritz in 45 minutes.

(from a chain email doing the rounds, but it's worth doing).
(McChinaman banned, Fri 5 Mar 2010, 23:42, 5 replies)

oooooOOOOoooo
sounds a bit racist to me.

Just cause the guy's black and gets the putang, doesn't mean he's some pseudo-gansta rapper.

But I could be wrong. Might be syphilis related dementia. That would explain so much.
( Sextant goes to him is emotionally erect, on this day, Sat 6 Mar 2010, 0:27, closed)

Damn I clicked "I like this" then found out it was from a chain email. Oh well....
(beaverwastemanagement a real company. I want to work for them!, Sat 6 Mar 2010, 0:59, closed)

EX-FUCKING-ACTLY
I'm sick of hearing how some "sports star" has "cheated"....it's what people do for fuck sake.
(M61A1 CUPID- STUNTS, Sat 6 Mar 2010, 3:04, closed)

exactly
you never hear stories in the papers of how Jimmy next door slept with the bitch in nº 42 while his wife was at work, do you?


note that I condone it or anything, but it's called a PRIVATE life for a fucking reason
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Sat 6 Mar 2010, 11:25, closed)

Won't someone think ofthe children
He forgot to stick it to his kids. His children deserve their share of the blame for his problems.
(steppphhhen, Sat 6 Mar 2010, 12:26, closed)