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This is a question Letters they'll never read

"Apologies, anger, declarations of love, things you want to say to people, but can't or didn't get the chance to." Suggestion via reducedfatLOLcat.

(, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 13:56)
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Dear every geek I've ever met at Uni (EDIT) Two geeks in particular
No, I do not play Warhammer, World of Warcraft, or any other pointless time-sink of a game you care to mention. No, I would not like to join you in a conversation about it anyway. I don't care what weapons have the highest damage potential, or what level your make-believe wizard is. And when I try and change the subject to something more interesting, don't immediately try and switch it back. I'm. Not. Fucking. Interested. Learn to tell when you're boring somene - it's a skill that'll come in useful later in life.

And just because I sometimes enjoy a game of Halo with my mates, it doesn't mean I'm interested in the entire backstory behind the game. I'm really not interested in discussing which weapon is best, and whether the Master Chief is a clone or not - I simply don't care.

No, I do not think Red Dwarf, Family Guy or Futurama are the greatest comedy series ever made. And just because my opinion differs from yours, it doesn't mean I'm wrong, and you have to spend the next 15 minutes trying to change my mind. People have different opinions - that's part of life. Accept it, and move on.

Talking about weapons, and how cool it would be to own a battleaxe, does not make you sound hard and manly, especially if you're a skinny pale weakling who looks like he would lose a fight with his own reflection. Likewise, discussing 'fighting' moves you've read about on the internet is just fucking sad.

If you like the look of a girl, staring at her from across the room like a potential sex attacker is not the way to pull. Go over and talk to her. The worse she can do is politely make it clear she's not interested. And don't discuss what you'd like to do to said girl if it's painfully obvious the only naked females you've ever encountered are either family members or digital. Basically, stop coming across as a hairy-handed virgin.

Lastly, if I tell you a funny anecdote, don't then take it as your own and start telling it to other people like it happened to you. And especially don't then tell it to me, two weeks later, in the same pub. I'm not a fucking goldfish - I will fucking remember that it's my story and pull you up on it, making you look like a cunt to the entire table.

With love,
(, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 4:10, 5 replies)
I like the term "time-sink"
Five years ago, I went back to college to study a couple of A levels as an immature student. This did mean having to sit in classes where everyone else was 15 years younger than I.

One day, whilst waiting outside the Physics lab, a girl came trotting over. A more stereotypical female student I have yet to see. Long hair, tie-dye shirt, long skirt with tassels at the bottom, pair of Doc Martin boots and an accent that only students have and certainly a long way from a standard Hull accent.

She was flapping about asking people "Dangermouse or Superman", obviously with the motive that Dangermouse is cool because it was a cartoon in the 80s that she never grew up with. A lot of other student types were saying Dangermouse. Then she came over to me and asked me. I said Superman. She wasn't impressed.
"But DM is far better than Superman."
"In what way? Can he fly? Can he leap over buildings in a single bound? (that was wasted on her). Does he have laser vision? No, because he's blind in one eye. He doesn't even have binocular vision. and his sidekick was about as much use as a wooden frying-pan"
"Pah!" she retorted and flapped off to ask other people.
The physics teacher had seen this exchange and was quite amused. He gave me a look of bemusement to which I answered.
"Tut! bloody students"
(, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 9:09, closed)
I'm a bit of a mature student myself
Although, at 24, only barely. There's a couple of things that go over my head, like 4chan, or facebook. Never seen the appeal, to be honest. Found a couple of mates in the same age group, though, so we can have discussion like "Which was better - Biker Mice from Mars or Toxic Avengers?"

Sometimes, it feels a bit like being back at high school, only with more casual sex and less bullying of teachers.
(, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 16:36, closed)
You miserable git.
Seems these dorks have far more fun than you, and are even kind enough to include you in their social circle. Take what you can get, because you sound dull as dishwater. Though I agree WoW is not for the sane and socially competant.

Roll a 5+ on 2D6 to reply.

Edit: remark re dishwater rescinded for hairy handed virgin comment. Good work.
(, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 9:15, closed)
I don't believe he's saying that they shouldn't have these interests
Just that he wishes they'd stop trying to bore him about them. I'm the same if people all start talking about football, going on about a recent game as if they're pundits. And if anyone asks me who I support I say a club that's somewhere at the bottom of the league.
(, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 9:57, closed)
I feel the same about football
It always annoys me when someone says, "Yeah, we played a blinder." Oh, really? You took part as well, did you? Didn't see you on the pitch.

Jesus, I'm beginning to sound like a grumpy old man. Better stop now.
(, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 16:38, closed)
They haven't included me in their social circle
They hang about the peripheral of mine

It's two guys this is aimed at, mainly, written after yet another night at the pub where they crashed the table and started talking utter boring bollocks. It's an opinion shared by most of the group - we just don't have the heart to tell them to fuck off. They're nice guys, just geeky as fuck, and a bit creepy towards girls. We like to have wide-ranging discussions, not focus on a few cult 'geek' topics to the exclusion of everything else.

May have come off sounding slightly too vitriolic, but they are seriously beginning to grate on my nerves now. I suppose it is turning me into a miserable git - fuck.
(, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 16:08, closed)

Heh. I was going to ask if you didn't have some specific people in mind with this post. I know people like this (They's everywhere!) and as a recovering geek myself, I feel their pain...although that doesn't always make them easy to put up with.
(, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 22:14, closed)
So, to extrapolate...

The only useful conversations that exist are those between people who hold exactly the same views on everything. That way, they can validate each other - and by extension, themselves. In the fullness of time, once those peksy kids with their non-uniform hobbies have been sent to the wall, once the social pariahs with their irritatingly-individual personality traits have been systematically ostricised and eventually bred out of the population, the newly-emerged race of Midwich Cuckoo-like clones can exist together in a orgy of bland mediocrity, none ever raising their head above the parapet.

Sounds ace.

A wise man once said, "People have different opinions - that's part of life. Accept it, and move on."
(, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 9:23, closed)
I prefer the:
"Opinions are like arseholes - everyone has one, and most of them stink."
(, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 11:25, closed)
"Opinions are like genitalia - everyone has one, and wants to share it with as many people as possible"
(, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 16:16, closed)
Only if 'to extrapolate' actually means
'Make up a load of overly verbose bullshit and try and claim that's what you were saying.'

I hardly think you can call being obsessed with WOW an 'individual' personality trait, or a 'non-uniform' hobby. How many of them are there, plugging their brains into the geek-matrix?

Like I said, I respect everyone's right to have a different opinion. What I don't respect is having that opinion rammed down my throat like an altar boy faced with a horny priest. I don't mind if someone spends their time with these hobbies - they're just not things I want to spend over an hour discussing. I don't think that's going to lead to some kind of trendy-fascist dictatorship. Although, if I hear about another 'area of effect spell' in the pub again, I may well line them up against the wall and shoot them myself
(, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 16:01, closed)
Yeah but Family Guy is the funniest... just admit it ;)

(, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 11:25, closed)
Maybe at the start
But, like most long-running comedy shows, the writers like to rehash the same old gags. Like the 'something takes far too long to end' gag, where something keeps on happening long after the point where you think, "Okay, that's enough now. This isn't funny anymore."

I just don't understand some people's obsession with it. As for the funniest - I'd probably say either Spaced, South Park or Arrested Development. But that's just my opinion...
(, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 16:13, closed)

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