Hello. My name is Mr Omboko and I leeve in Nigeeria.
Dear pipple of bitter.

I hev been advarsed from Meester Gigglemush of Kinetic North Ltd to write thees letter to you and breeng you all gud fortune.

I dont no whaat ees heppening to the weather here. Eets supposed to be sunny but I jus looked out of ma weendow and it am peesing down like a hippo here. Jeezus Crarst!
I hev been watchin you pipple here and I em very pleased to be able to talk to you at last and chew de fat and al thet jazz. I would lark to till you about masilf and breeng you big opportuuunity to make beeg money to AY YI YI YI YI YI!

I was riscued by the chuch when I was a leetle keed after my father was keeled by a beeg gang of men with steeks after he raped the wiife of the chiff of poliss and myy mother was tekken away by an illifant and was never sin agin.

In hees will he left me the keys to hees empire. A chain of 300 Rolls Roice shops al over Efrica. Thees bisniss am doing very well and no sign of any resission here meester.

I hef a small problim. You see, I em a disabled after an accident with a beeg nife wen I was keeling a gnu for dinner. I hed trepped the bugger in the hole in the ground wheech I had made thet morning after breckfass. I remimber it very will. I hed Wittabeex.
I jump eento the hole to cut the buggers throt but he jump up and keeked me in the tissticles and I fall on my beeg nife wheech stab me in the enus. I hef not been able to walk since thees tirrible eccidant.

Wat I em saying raaht here ess thet I can not get to the benk untill too week time and I need some cash to send out for some pain keelers eef you know wat I mean. Ai Yi Yi Yi Yi Yi Yi.

You pipple of bitter sind me faarve hundrid Eengleesh ponds in a jeefy beg and I weel post you a brend new Rolls Roice. I muss be med but you weel be doing me a beeeeeeeg faver here ma frind. My adriss is 61a The Beeg Steet, Nkottomokonumba, Johinnisbug. Efrica NW1 3RT
Think you
(chb3 Read my lips. See my profile. See me talk., Wed 10 Mar 2010, 16:16, 7 replies)

I'm not falling for that !!!
I sent the real Mr Nmboko five hundred quid last week. He's gonna make me minister of the interior once he's one back power and established himself as king again.

Just have to sit back and wait a bit - then I'll be fucking loaded.
( SpankyHanky, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 16:18, closed)

jus look at the peekture een ma profarle!
Eet is me you fooooolish puson.
(chb3 Read my lips. See my profile. See me talk., Wed 10 Mar 2010, 16:35, closed)

I looked at your profile
and now I've gone blind.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 16:52, closed)

There was no need for that kind of baiting, Mr Automatic,
no need at all.

Ouch.
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 20:02, closed)

I saw nothing to
masturbate over.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 11 Mar 2010, 5:53, closed)

Needs moar
CAPSLOCK.
(blueberrypossum wants to Jaffa your Cake, Wed 10 Mar 2010, 20:05, closed)

Go to Camden much?
Gilgamesh is a great restuarant.
(quantum raspberry quizzically quashing Quebecans, Thu 11 Mar 2010, 0:43, closed)