Lies I have told
I wish to confess the following...

Lie 1: "I was always conscientious and studious at school".
Truth 1: Actually I was bored solid and in my A-level years I had just discovered sex and would mitch off and catch the bus to my dole scum boyfriend's bedroom for the afternoon.

Lie 2: "I'm just not ready for a serious relationship right now".
Truth 2: Sorry bloke from five or so years ago, it was actually that your penis was incredibly small but I felt like a bitch for making an issue of it. Size doesn't matter unless it's under about 3 inches when erect, and yours was less than that.

Lie 3: "Yes mum, I'm eating properly".
Truth 3: Well, I'm eating peanut butter straight out of the jar again because I can't even be arsed making toast for dinner. Sometimes I take vitamins.

Lie 4: "I like being single and independent".
Truth 4: Yeah, my own space is great, random no-strings action is great, but I had to go to the hospital the other day and I could not think of one single person that I wanted to put down as an emergency contact and that sucked.

Lie 5: "Don't worry about those noisy kids, neighbour!"
Truth 5: I hate those children. I have never heard noisier children. How can they possibly play ball against an interior wall at 2am? You need supernanny. Or paedophiles.


That feels better. My dark soul is cleaner.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 15:31, 9 replies)

Oh hell...
"I could not think of one single person that I wanted to put down as an emergency contact"


Oh boy, I know exactly what you mean. My nearest emergency contact lives 4,000 miles away. Other than that, I'm on my own. I had to fill in life insurance forms the other day (I get free life insurance with my health insurance, I wouldn't bother otherwise!) and when it asked me "who would you like your money to go to," I thought, "erm, my mum?" then when it asked for a second benificiary incase the first one died I was truly stumped. I ended up putting my best friend's son. Scared me a bit.

*wanders off to consider futility of own existence*
(Rakky (forgot her password) The muffin maverick, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 15:44, closed)

scary isn't it?
yeah, my "emergency contact" querying came after "Your religion?" and "Do you want to donate your organs?". FFS, I was scared enough being in a damn hospital and I was only there for a check up!

It's good that you get to choose beneficiaries outside the family/partner categories - I know someone who wanted to leave her pension lump sum to her niece. It wasn't allowed - only immediate family or partner. She's contesting it.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 15:50, closed)

This reminds me of Jim Davis
of Garfield fame who, when asked the question, "Do you want to donate an organ?", replied,

"Hell no, but I've got an old piano I can let go cheap".

/coat

PS under 3 inches when erect - seriously? 'kin'ell!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 15:55, closed)

bad joke
bad, bad joke! Shame on you! :)

and much as I don't want to dish the dirt on an innocent bloke on an Interweb forum: yes.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 15:58, closed)

Sorry
but it made me chuckle. And it's Friday.

<sub>Poor bugger. Not even 3 inches.

*shakes head in disbelief and is thankful not to be similarly afflicted*</sub>
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 16:13, closed)

I'm assuming
that i can put him as a beneficiary. That or it's going to the cat's home...

I hate this automatic assumption that we all have a huge family / partner / offspring that we can leave our wordly goods too, or call on in an emergency. I'm bloody lucky to have the mates that I do who to me *are* my family (other than me mum).

hope your checkup was ok :)
(Rakky (forgot her password) The muffin maverick, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 16:55, closed)

yup!
Friends are the new family. Family are the old family - much as I love mine they live in another country for a reason and I definitely don't want them making medical decisions on my behalf...

Yeah, check-up was fine thank you, no emergency contact needed so far.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 30 Nov 2007, 17:13, closed)

I'm so stealing the super nanny or paedo's line
bbc3 script here I come
( Super piat I am the owl, Sat 1 Dec 2007, 5:36, closed)

snigger
not even 3"?
*gets up off the floor, dusts himself down and wipes his eyes*
( snee held his breath since, Tue 4 Dec 2007, 12:11, closed)