Scott and Cliff
I worked with Scott in the Ministry of Cow Counting a few years ago.

His job was to tot up the number of cows in the UK and send it off by telex (how quaint!) to the European Commission so they knew how many cows we had.

"Just doing the telex now" he would say every Friday, justifying his job.

It was while he was on an extended holiday that we realised that the number of times he had "done the telex" in the last three years was a number slightly less than once.

On his return from holiday (extended by two weeks because he had broken his leg at a Cliff Richard concert), he was confronted with the truth.

We were also confronted by a great truth: Cliff Richard hadn't broken Scott's leg, he simply fancied an extra two weeks off work.

Sacked on the spot, which is pretty impressive for the Civil Service.
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Mon 3 Dec 2007, 15:21, 5 replies)

Civil Service sackings
You're not wrong there, Scary. In the 17-odd years I've been a Civil Service monkey, I've seen two people sacked. One for having somewhat dubious hard-core mags in his desk drawer, and the other for abusing the IT in the stationery store - he had somehow managed to endow a very primitive stationery-ordering PC with the ability to send and receive e-mails* to his girlfriend. The irony that someone was sacked from the Civil Service for successfully upgrading IT is not lost on me.

* I should add that this was circa 1994, in the days before email at work was a common feature of office PCs.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 3 Dec 2007, 16:02, closed)

CS Sackings
The only other person I ever saw sacked from the Civil Service was "Jesus Paul", a harmless enough born-again Christian, who one day, in his ferver, started beating the shit out of "sinners" to cleanse them of their wrongdoing.

For "sinners", read all of his colleagues.

I suppose he had a point, to be honest.


I lie! There was a third. The copy room operator who ran his own porn empire on Civil Service photocopiers....
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Mon 3 Dec 2007, 16:06, closed)

Christ...
That's a bit extreme for the workplace. did God tell him to do it?

Now, the photocopied porn - that really is desperate!
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 3 Dec 2007, 16:11, closed)

We had a tranny as well...
...who was saved from the sack when he agreed not to keep using the ladies' toilets.

Years after I left - and after the whole office relocated oop north - they're still upholding the finest traditions of top-grade skivery.
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Mon 3 Dec 2007, 16:15, closed)

Ah, the RPA...
Beloved of farmers everywhere. I used to work for RDS (NOT RPA) in Newcastle until just over a year ago.

Yeah, this story caused a HUGE wave of interest up here...
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 3 Dec 2007, 16:22, closed)