2 tales...
1) I was applying for my 1st job out of Uni, and of course they asked for your exam results. Having torn up my A-Level reults sheet on the day becuase they were a long way short of what I was expecting, I couln't remember which way round I'd gotten in Chemistry and Biology. One was a C, the other a D. I filled in the form, guessed, and sat back to watch the job offers roll in.

I get an interview at the Nottingham Tax Department, checking numbers and see who has and hasn't paid up their yearly dues. Get the job, turn up for the 1st week and everything goes swimmingly. Even get taken out for a welcome to the department drink on Friday lunchtime!

2nd monday, I get called into the Office manager room; me calmly thinking that he just want to introduce himself. He turns round and starts shouting that I've lied on a official goverment document, I was going to be fired and that I'd caused him to be the embarrassment of the whole complex lower-middle-management.

I ask him WTF he';s going on about, and he says that I didn't get a C in Biology, it was in chemistry. Muck Fe, I reply, and say sorry, mistake, blah, blah. I'm given a written conduct warning and put on observation for a month.

Handed my resignation 2 days later due to getting dream job as a football odds compiler!!

2) After a crap job, I put on my CV "I will not cold/warm call customers". Get interview at this tile company to build an Excel database of clients. This goes well for 4 weeks, get this data-base all set up.

Then Boss Woman (imagine Joey's agent in Friends but absolute man-hater who wants her son to be the Assistant Boss even though his IQ is 3) asks me to call all these clients and offer them some literature. Then she adds on the end "oh, search on Yell.com and try and contact all the other plumbers in Scotland."

I say "no, not for me thanks". She says basically, "do it or you'll be fired". I leave her office, go to HR and I ask to see my employee file. Take out my original CV, get a big highlighter, circle the "I will not call.." statement, wrote "consider this my letter of resignation" walk back upstairs, stapled it to her door, knocked and walked out the building.

Whenever employee's ask what I ws doing in this month period, I now say either "taking part in a TV reality programme" or "training with the French Foreign legion".
(gjb006, Sun 9 Jul 2006, 12:01, Reply)