I
bought a packet of wham chews which I didnt think were worthy of being endowed with the name Wham. Got 6 mega wham bars in return. Original email in replies
(little lord muthafuckin fauntleroy, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 12:50, 9 replies)

email
Dear Sir/Madam

Upon entering the corner shop adjacent to my workplace this lunchtime I was excited to see a pristine, just opened box of Wham Chews winking at me as I perused the confectionary shelves. The Wham Chews product is new to me, and being partial as I am to a Wham Bar I thought these would be a tremendous addition to my afternoon in work. Quite often when doing the 'big shop' as my other half likes to call it I will secrete a couple of Mega Wham Bars into the trolley on which I tend to gorge myself until i either A: feel sick or B: have jawache - I must admit I am partial to the odd Wham Bar. So I purchased two packets of Wham Chews to titillate my taste buds as that tw*t ainslie harriot would have been want to say on ready steady cook.

All sorts of thoughts raced around my head on the brief yet pleasant walk back to the office, how my dreary afternoon drawing lines would be enriched by the consumption of little mini wham bars and ashamed as I am to admit it, I salivated a little at the prospect. I would say drawing lines isn't too bad an occupation to have, but the monotony of drawing line after line , day after day, week upon week, with only 21 days holiday a year is a little underwhelming. Don't get me wrong, I sometimes get out on site when projects are being constructed but being on a building site in the middle of a torrential downpour during one of the coldest winters on record is not that great a distraction from the line drawing in front of a computer screen day after day etc etc.

Back at the office I got myself comfortable in order to resume my afternoons line drawing, and with a mixture of excited anticipation and trepidation and trembling fingers I gently parted the neatly pressed wrapper at the end of my Wham Chews and slid my finger down the crease parting the wrapper to enable me to access the wonder within. Initially my reaction upon unsheathing a Wham Chew from its wrapper was a mix of anticlimax and slight disappointment. What I had anticipated would be a little square nugget of wham bar goodness turned into a wham flavoured chewit, dashing in an instant any hopes I had of lifting the monotony of the aforementioned line production for the afternoon. In place of the anticipated bright pink shiny goodness with little nuggets of randomly coloured sugar crystals was a less pink, less shiny chewit with no randomly coloured sugar crystals. I repeat, NO randomly coloured sugar crystals. It was my hope at the outset of todays episode that I may have found a new sweet I could add to my sweetie repertoire, unfortunately that is not the case. Surely these Wham Chews should be properly called Wham flavoured Chews, which although pleasant are not to the same high levels of confectionary excellence as a proper Wham Bar?

The more I ate of the first packet of Wham Chews, the more my disappointment was replaced with a feeling of anger at the proposterous and unsuitable naming of aforementioned Wham Chews product. As I write this I am trembling with rage. I only hope I can control the anger and I do not have any more 'episodes' that result in my internment at Her Majesty's Pleasure.

I bid you good day
(little lord muthafuckin fauntleroy, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 12:51, closed)

never mind some free wham bars. i'd have come and burned your fucking house down, you pompous, illiterate twat.

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 14:45, closed)

Maybe you should discover how to use the shift key on your keyboard before you accuse someone of being illiterate.
(penrose your dog's got tits, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 15:24, closed)

Pffft.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 16:02, closed)

Now that's not fair. Maybe it's just broken.
Don't mock those less fortunate than yourself.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 17:28, closed)

Explain how he is illiterate.
Someone who is illiterate is unable to either read or write. He can clearly do both.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Thu 10 Feb 2011, 19:30, closed)

Well, we've seen that he can write, but we don't know for sure that he read it afterwards.
(richardm, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 17:52, closed)

He read "wham chews", didn't he?

(maggotriddendirtbox fast, feral and sharp as a tack since, Sat 12 Feb 2011, 8:31, closed)

We only mock the liars.

( WormuIus, Thu 10 Feb 2011, 20:48, closed)