two-fingered salute
if, like me, you're a woman of child-bearing age, you'll know that there are certain times of the month when chocolate is a medical necessity. you don't just want it, you NEED it.
one evening last month, i was suffering some pretty heavy-duty cravings for the stuff. unfortunately, i was skint and had no chocolate. bit of a pisser, i think you'll agree.
i decided not to let my cravings get the better of me. i am better than that. i am strong. i am in control of my own body and mind.
am i fuck.
i was sitting there like a smackhead waiting for a bottle of methadone to magically appear. i couldn't think of anything but chocolate.
finally, i decided to see if i had any money in my copper jar. i upended said jar and recovered an entire 17p, just enough for a freddo. it was just hitting 10.30, so i put my coat on and dashed across to the shop, just in time to see the shutters going down.
i could have cried, i really could.
despondently, i decided to make myself a nice cup of coffee. i opened the fridge to retreive the milk when, there in the salad crisper drawer, i spotted something so awesome it almost took my breath away.
it was a twix. a beautiful, wondrous, chocolatey, two-fingered twix. i savoured that twix with my coffee. oh, how i savoured it. it was as ambrosia to my chocolate-raddled mind. i couldn't have been happier had it been a slab of thornton's finest.
a small victory, yes, but most definitely a sweet one.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 14:48, 16 replies)

Twix...
... best of all salads!
( Ugi , it's a game of give and cake, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 16:22, closed)

much better than that crappy lettuce

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 16:36, closed)

With you 100% there. Can't think of any greater waste of time than lettuce.

Nicely written answer BTW - you could really feel the desperation. You might think about having a slab of dairy milk under a sheet of glass for future emergencies thou'!
( Ugi , it's a game of give and cake, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 16:47, closed)

i now have
an emergency bar of whole nut in the cupboard
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 16:54, closed)

Iceberg lettuce has the wonderful property if stopping me feeling nauseous when ill.
I love it. =D
( vix0r was not Matthew on, Sat 12 Feb 2011, 1:37, closed)

^This.^
I'd say it's funny 'cause it's true, but in times of such desperation, it's not even funny any more. I stash chocolate around the house like a mental hamster, forget about it, and then when the cravings hit, go searching... usually turning up something cocoa-y of note.
(Draco Rattus ate all the pies on, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 19:43, closed)

when i go to my mum's
i tend to sneak something chocolatey into my handbag. unfortunately, she's only got penguins today and they're a bit shit.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 20:00, closed)

Nooo!
They don't count as PROPER chocolate! Biscuits are NOT chocolate, when will people learn? D:
(Draco Rattus ate all the pies on, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 21:16, closed)

this is what i have to put up weith
i'm drunk btw
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 21:33, closed)

^ this

( Sonic the Hedgetrimmer doesn't care what you think, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 12:09, closed)

do you drink the coffee through the twix
for maximum meltychocgoojoy?
(maggotriddendirtbox fast, feral and sharp as a tack since, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 20:15, closed)

i only do that
with blackpool rock and milk
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 21:34, closed)

thats a new one then
sounds minging though
(maggotriddendirtbox fast, feral and sharp as a tack since, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 23:51, closed)

actually, it's surprisingly tasty

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 12 Feb 2011, 20:03, closed)

I'd bought a bag of lovely chocolate-covered caramels
Thought I'd plan ahead for this sort of situation. Went looking for them the other day, and discovered that the spouse had eaten them. Woe!
(louveciennes , Volvospotter, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 21:28, closed)

what a fucker!

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 11 Feb 2011, 21:34, closed)