I was on a fairly unprompted phone call to the ex...
...after an emotionally draining night at work, and a week of having her on my mind.

After a conversation lasting almost 2 hours she told me she wasn't really happy with her new boyfriend (clearly a rebound replacement) for a variety of reasons but the short story being...he wasn't me.

I told her I'd lost a stone in weight, changed my haircut to very positive reviews, had a fling with her old housemate after she had moved out, had saved up enough in 6 months to buy myself a car, and that I was currently free and single with a very hot "friend-with benefits" whom I could call on whenever I wanted.

Then I hung up.
( Mister B is eating an icanhazcheezburger with lmaonaise, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 2:45, 12 replies)

And then had a pot noodle and a wank.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 7:17, closed)

Wank yes
Pot Noodle no.
( Mister B is eating an icanhazcheezburger with lmaonaise, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 0:32, closed)

scepticism dictates
i be skeptic
(lemonadegame, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 8:41, closed)

I am not so sceptic
I believe he *said* it...
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 9:18, closed)

what make was the car you bought... did it ryhme with wonda?
( lucosade is counting down the minutes until, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 10:19, closed)

Benefits as in dole and child support.

(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 10:53, closed)

Ignore these horrid bullies.
I completely believe your story. In fact ... I think I'm going to masturbate while I re-read it.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 10:55, closed)

You should,
he's lost a stone, you know.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Tue 15 Feb 2011, 11:16, closed)

Fuck. I must have skipped that bit.
I can only get off on stories about fatties.

:(

:(

:(
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 11:32, closed)

I can see why she dumped you.
But well done, she probably just needed a quick reminder.
( buffet_the_appetite_slayer ٩(●̮̃•)۶ jacked in to the ICE on, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 12:03, closed)

ZING!

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 15 Feb 2011, 12:33, closed)

to clarify...
We broke up because she moved home to Birmingham (I live in Newcastle Upon Tyne).

The car is a Toyota Corolla, I lost a stone mostly through forgetting to eat due to depression and throwing myself into my work.

But if you prefer... I'm a c*nt.
( Mister B is eating an icanhazcheezburger with lmaonaise, Wed 16 Feb 2011, 0:37, closed)