Two weeks ago, I had a minor argument with one of my family members about the unfairness of bank charges.
He was hypocritically claiming that there was any sort of justification for their behaviour, even from their point of view, so I called him and the rest of my family English, then screamed and stormed out, slamming the door. The next morning, to prove that I was the lone voice of reason in an insane world, I went round to our parents' house and broke five of their windows. I banged my head while doing this, so I had to go to hospital. When I got back, I wandered off through the streets of Edinburgh in the opposite direction to the one I live in. Fortunately I was found in time, taken back to the hospital and referred to a GP for referral to counselling, but that didn't stop me invading a complete stranger's house on Friday night, crying and begging for help and prompting them to call both my parents and the police.


Well, okay, that wasn't me, but it was my brother. That was a fun week*. You want to talk about losing it? Imagine watching your brother break down so utterly, prompted by the most ordinary of things. I was actually genuinely terrified for his mental health...still am, in point of fact.

*May not have been actual fun.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:14, 13 replies)

"called him and the rest of my family English"
the very highest of compliments, then
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:26, closed)

Don't get me started on his stupid geopolitical views.
Long story short,
1)In his views, it means 'hypocritical'. Literally. English = hypocritical. Not 'stuck up' or 'snobbish' or anything vague you might associate with a national stereotype; it's a fucking synonym. We've learned not to talk to him about...well, any country, ever. Conspiracy theories are more balanced and well-rounded.

2)He said this to members of his blood family. Racial slurs against people who are nearasdammit exactly identical to you? Sure, why not? Not for the first time either.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 11:57, closed)

I might call my sister Scottish later, just for the hell of it
I'm not sure what it would imply, but that's for her to work out
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:25, closed)

It would mean that she's drunk, fat and unemployable

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 12:50, closed)

And incomprehensible.
Or is that just Glaswegian?
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 13:25, closed)

As it happens, she just quoted Stewart Lee back at me
as there are, of course, no Scottish women
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 14:25, closed)

It's true you don't see many Scottish women. And in fact, they are so alike in voice and appearance, that they are often mistaken for Scottish men.
_{(sotto voce) It's the beards.}
And this in turn has given rise to the belief that there are no Scottish women, and that Scots just spring out of holes in the ground!
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 16:00, closed)

Hitchhiker's Guide?

(Stiltzkin, Wed 27 Jul 2011, 11:14, closed)

The trouble with Scotland
is that it's full of Scots.

Would your brother like salt and vinegar, with that chip on his shoulder?
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 13:18, closed)

Nono.
We're east coast: salt and sauce.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 13:26, closed)

Fuck aye.

(jennymnemonic, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 17:54, closed)

Bloody celts.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 19:40, closed)

Bloody monsters.

(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Tue 26 Jul 2011, 22:14, closed)