Wind Power
This little tale is kind of a follow-up to something that I didn't post from last week's QOTW. However, I do know for certain that laughing really shouldn't be this painful.

It was only a matter of 2 weeks ago when these events occurred but I'm sincerely hoping that I don't get an attack of the crazies in old age that wipes this from my memory...

Working in an office you're always likely to be subjected to those types that you'd hope never to meet in the real world. Unfortunately my most recent desk "buddy" had already started to lose her shine well before moving into the vacant desk directly opposite me. Balls!! This woman was ripe for the picking for last week's QOTW but I guess seeing my scowl while typing up stories about her might have made my day even longer. Happily she's gone home for the day so it's time to type...

(Names changed and all that) Belinda is just a good old fashioned pain in the arse. If there's something to complain about; she'll complain. If there's something of no consequence to talk about; she'll talk. If I've not paid her any attention for 20 mins; she'll make a deal of stretching, forcing her saggy puplets upwards and flashing a bit of belly which is more akin to an uncooked Gregg's sausage roll than anything resembling a human stomach (I'm saying it ain't pretty, right). On this fateful day a couple of weeks ago, Belinda was away from her desk slowly wafting around the office without a care in the world when Diane approached Belinda's desk. I'm quite friendly with Diane who is a slightly worn, middle aged woman with a hint of deafness but apart from that, is a jolly nice lady. Well, so I thought.

After a couple of mins idle chat with Diane, the subject of Belinda came up and we talked of her ability to wind people up with minimal effort. She does this to the point where the office is full of soundless screams, day after day! After taking exception to Belinda's recent behaviour Diane decided that she deserved a little payback of her own and she could do it right now and get away with it. There'd be no need for preparation. Diane glanced at me with a glint in her eye and a certain poise which belied the true devil in her plans and quietly said "What do you think she'll make of this, Band of Rain?" At which point it was too late to answer. In the space of the next 2.5 seconds the following happened:

*Diane squatted above Belinda's desk chair
*Belinda approached her desk (and Diane) from a cheeky blind-spot around the corner
*Belinda let rip with a sound like a lightsaber in reverse
*I sprayed a recently gulped mouthful of scalding hot tea out of my nose across my laptop and half my desk!

Although only 2 weeks ago it seems as though my nose still burns, Belinda is still seething with righteous fury and Diane...well she is still a hero!
(Band of Rain, Thu 6 Dec 2012, 17:15, 3 replies)

So in short, the old bird farted on the fat chicks chair and you laughed. Oh how droll.
(bad_advice QOTW survivor from the first trollocost!, Fri 7 Dec 2012, 5:55, closed)

Presumably Diane let rip rather than Belinda
otherwise this makes no sense whatsoever.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 7 Dec 2012, 16:26, closed)

heroine
heroine - definition
noun
a woman possessing heroic qualities
(Bob the Builder killed Captain Alex, Sat 8 Dec 2012, 16:30, closed)