Innuendos at work
I work in an office full of women, and it's fucking soul-destroying. It's all X-Factor this and no swearing that, and I just sit there and wait to die most of the time. However there have been two occasions in which humorous double entendres have lightened my day.

The company I work for deals in perfume, and so naturally we have all sorts of perfumes in the actual office. One particular perfume manufacturer is called Lolita Lempicka, and recently one of the girls had been inspecting one of these perfumes. Given the recent Jimmy Savile shenanigans, I was very amused when she announced, "Right, I'm just going to the toilet to wash this Lolita off my hands."

Sadly due to the broom-up-arse nature of the office, I dared not make it obvious that I found it hilarious as nobody else would have been amused.

There was however one occasion where the innuendo was tame enough that everybody laughed, and this involved the most prim-and-proper member of this humourless shitpit. There was a conversation about various mobile phones, and how obvious their ringtones and vibrate functions were. The fifty-year-old, teetotaller, complain-about-people-in-the-warehouse-swearing lady asked in all innocence, "So can your husband tell when his Desire goes off in his pocket?"

This is a rubbish QOTW, isn't it?
(Eukanuba, Fri 7 Dec 2012, 18:40, 9 replies)

Do you know what would stop it from being rubbish?
If they made you press "post this message" seven times, each time with an increasingly strongly worded discouragement.

"Are you sure?"
"Is it funny?"
"It's not really, is it?"
"It's barely even an anecdote and is meaningless to anybody who is lucky enough not to know the drearies who were involved."
"Oh come on. Do you really want to soil the internet with this shit?"

That sort of thing. No offence like.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 7 Dec 2012, 18:44, closed)

You forgot "is it a shitty pun you unfunny prick?"

( Maffers I flow kinda strange like Spina Bifida footprints, Fri 7 Dec 2012, 21:13, closed)

The problem is,
if I were to post most of the things that have had me crying with laughter, they would nearly all fall under the 'you had to be there, and also be as hampered as we were' category.
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Fri 7 Dec 2012, 19:38, closed)

I agree
Asking /qotw to give personal examples of something humorous is bound to fail catastrophically
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 7 Dec 2012, 20:05, closed)

I saw a guy fall over
and his fake leg was left standing. I nearly shat I was laughing so much, I told a friend, she thought I was a wanker.
(Bababoon, Fri 7 Dec 2012, 20:12, closed)

I'll see you that
And raise you a blind person - with a guide dog - walking onto a travelator that was moving in the opposite direction.

It was in 1996 - They may still be there.
(El Fandango carved a big EF onto his nemesis' doublet on .., Fri 7 Dec 2012, 20:15, closed)

I saw a bloke with Down's collecting trolleys and got the strap thing caught on his belt and then ran away up the car park being chased by a pair of clattering trolleys.
It was well lol. Apart from the fact that he was clearly in distress and could easily have run into traffic. That made it super well lol.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 8 Dec 2012, 12:09, closed)

It's only as funny as the stories within.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Fri 7 Dec 2012, 22:01, closed)

Deep, man.
Will you be my guru. I'll give you all my worldly possessions and then commit suicide.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 8 Dec 2012, 9:55, closed)