Fluoxetine, Citalopram, and Escitalopram.
I have tried all of these.
I have been a member here for a while. I haven’t posted in some time. It’s not because I can’t be bothered, it’s because I have a hard time doing anything these days.
When I was very young, I was diagnosed with depression. I would cry for ages, for no obvious reason. I tried cutting my wrists twice before I was 16. Boo hoo, huh?
I’m very happily married now. My wife is so supportive. In February, I had an operation on my knee, and I became overwhelmed again with depression. It hadn’t struck me for some time; I thought that part of my life was over. But it came back with a vengeance. At the insistence of my wife, I went to the doctor.
I was given a prescription for Fluoxetine, more commonly known as Prozac. The same stuff they gave that guy in The Sopranos. I began to lose sleep. Waking at midnight, eyes wide open until 7am, go to work, get home, go to bed at 8, absolutely shattered. Repeat.
I wasn’t feeling any happier, either.
The doctor switched me to Citalopram. I began to sleep. At work. On the bus, train, etc. The most bizarre, vivid, lucid dreams every time. And I wasn’t feeling any happier. I became nervous, self conscious, and twitchy. It became a struggle to get off the train in the mornings, as there were too many people there, watching me as I walked, ready to ridicule me.
I began catching earlier trains in the morning, and later trains at night, so I could avoid the crowds. I wouldn’t go out with the lads at work for a pint, because I was afraid of what they might say, and how it must be so obvious that I was depressed.
I started wearing headphones every time I went outside, so I wouldn’t be able to hear people talking about me, pretend I was texting so no one would approach me, and I could retreat into my own world. It came to a head when my wife and I went to Sainsburys on a Saturday morning. I couldn’t get out of the car, I was shaking too much. I was so scared of all the people, the massive crowd, the unavoidable jeering and ridicule I would endure. Everyone would notice that I’ve gained weight, that my glasses are a bit crooked, that my shoes have uneven wear because of my limp from my operation. My wife gently led me home, and she did the shopping herself.
I spent a week in my house, unable to gather up the courage to go to work, where surely people were making fun of me even as I sat there. My job is in IT, and I was luckily able to do some work from home. My boss was very supportive, and bent over backwards to help me out. Very lucky indeed- they could have just sacked me.
I went to a therapist. I was diagnosed with SAD – not Seasonal Affective Disorder, but Social Anxiety Disorder. It’s incredibly debilitating. I always have the fear.
I’ve had a few panic attacks, once when the crowds at the bus stop (4 people) became too large. Basically I went into a fit, collapsed into the foetal position, and couldn’t breathe.
I’ve switched to Escitalopram. It’s harsh. I don’t have so much fear anymore, but its still a weight on my mind. I’m back at work. Everything is a chore. I’ve become extremely sensitive to things anyone says to me. I question every word in every email – are they looking down on me? Are they being nasty in some subtle way? I even question my wife. I’m dizzy, disorientated; I speak slowly, sounding like a mong.
But it does have some benefits. I can get on the train now, though; and I can speak to people in my office if they approach me – I used to just stutter and blush and fail miserably at the interaction.
I can even post again finally on my favourite w3bsite.
Sorry for lack of funnies.
(w4I4q1O1 was hard at work on, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 10:54, 12 replies)

Chin up laddie.
Been there and bought the t-shirt a couple of times. It will take time but it does get better.
( girlinthehole, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 10:59, closed)

It's shit but knowing you're on something helps to move you forward
I started on citalopram, felt a lot better (but didn't enjoy the side effects in the bedroom), moved to mirtazapine and slept 15 hours a day while putting on 2 stone in as many months.

Back on the citalopram now - I guess it's a case of finding one that works with your chemistry.

I found actually going on to an AD was a step in the right direction, you know you can't bottom-out again but it does leave you oddly numb, on 40-60mg now I can be very blank, starey and completely unemotional in very happy or sad situations. I've had the same SAD diagnosis and it made so much sense after listing the same things you're going though. Stick at it I guess and best of luck.
( moohalaa, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 11:02, closed)

I know this one well.
I eventually worked up to maximum citalopram dosage, but in truth also found that the accompanying sexual stamina was a major chore. To put it in context: A 'quickie' is anything less than 45 minutes.

Also switched to mirtazapine. weight-gain, check. sleeping from 7pm to 9am, check. However I quickly re-discovered the joys of a 3-minute wank.
I found that the orodispersable version works faster at least in terms of drowsiness, so if you're like me and realise at 9 or 10pm you've forgotten to take the bugger, it doesn't wreck the next day quite as badly. At least I can get up so that I've got time for breakfast and lunch, even if they're only a few minutes apart. Rather than just making it awake in time for dinner. Even on a higher dose, I've found that I can function, and even have enough energy to walk for at least an hour every evening in an attempt to shift some weight.
(f_rev, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 12:21, closed)

I went from 20, 40, 60 for a few months on citalopram, at 40 I was just utterly blank and nonplussed about anything
moo, your nan has died! "Oh I see. How terrible."
moo, you've found twenty quid under your bed! (!!!) "Oh. Great. I am so happy."

A quickie was 'non existent' and self abuse was fruitless. I know what you mean about Mirtazapine though, I was at myself like a safari park chimp with the stamina of a brisk sneeze.

I think I'd take Mirtazapine late at night like I was told, and wake up the next afternoon still tired. Even if I set my alarm I'd snooze right through it,
wake up, eat two lasagnes and six packets of crisps and still be starving hungry. :/
( moohalaa, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 13:18, closed)

My mate had a similar thing
He gave me one of his pills one day, on a night out. It just made me yawn and get bored and I felt no emotion.....very weird. Most definately works for people that need to block emotions but I wonder if there is a more natural solution? Good luck to you anyways, my mum had clinical deppresion when I was younger too. Very scary and her symptoms were very similar to yours, in the respect she would cry for no reason. As a ten year old this freaked me out a lot but she got better and is now very happy with her life, so there is light at the end of the tunnel.
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 11:16, closed)

Hahahahaha yeah

( wotofco pissing in your swimming pool, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 12:27, closed)

i really hope you get better soon
it's a long and hard road, so go easy on yourself and good luck x
(jennymnemonic, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 14:31, closed)

Me dad's on a mixture of tabs at the mo
He was recently diagnosed with paranoid depression. He tried commiting suicide a few months back and was given a mixture of drugs which seemed to be doing the trick.

Until 3 weeks back where he stuck a carving knife to his throat. Turned out he'd been neglecting half of him meds and drinking in the evenings. Thankfully he just missed an artery, but he was a bit shocked by it all too.

A restock of all tabs and me having to clean his bathroom of the blood and disposing of the knife later and he's come back down to normal again now. Although he's banned from the lager from now on :p

Hope everything goes well for you, sounds like you've got a cracking wife for support there too :D
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Mon 20 Sep 2010, 16:37, closed)

...
This is hectic

All of you with these issues...I salute you as you have the courage to deal/seek help about it. And hopefully there are people reading these boards thinking about doing the same thing.

I don't really look up to super heroes on TV. I look at the real life people, living through life, even though it must be a terrible struggle.
(lemonadegame, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 3:36, closed)

You, my friend, are married to an angel
I salute you both and wish you the very best of luck.
(zebideedoodah likes florence but prefers venice, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 9:43, closed)

'knoath.
Weaning myself off nortryptraline and lamotragine. Slow going but I'm still crazy as fuck underneath - but at least I can remember the day of the week. I hope things improve all-round.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Tue 21 Sep 2010, 13:12, closed)

Just keep on keeping on, mate.
Been there and done it. Off any meds now despite my GP being keen to stick me back on them. "They" blamed my agoraphobia and SAD on the fact that I am virtually blind (they may have a point, being in crowds or being outside isn't exactly a bundle of laughs and people do indeed stare at me as I bounce by with my white stick.)
Got into a band a year or so back, fuck knows how I dared but I did, and now we gig at the local rock haunts. I'm the lead singer. Nobody would guess that at times in my life I've been too frightened to even go out of the back door into my own garden, let alone out the front.
So it can get better. I don't think I could say I'll never relapse but ATM I'm doing ok. You're already facing the right direction with the fact that you can talk to certain people, get on the train, actually hold down a job. Well fucking done, dude. Seriously. I've been there and although I can sing in front of a packed pub I still can't get on a train. With the shit you've gone through, that takes stones.
Good luck !
(womanwhocanonlylivewithdogs, Tue 21 Sep 2010, 17:44, closed)