The doctors at my local surgery
This is unfunny, and genuine.

I would like to thank the doctors at my local surgery, and some of the doctors at the local hospital. And also the paramedics who got me to the hospital in time.

I'd like to start by thanking the doctors at my local surgery. Despite my effort to leave this mortal coil prematurely back on February 1st 2008, and again on the 23rd Feb, you guys firstly tried to get me into counseling, and then co-ordinated with the mental health care team to try and find drugs that would leave me able to function with as few side effects as possible. There was one doctor who I ended up getting as my full-time GP who always spent the last five or ten minutes just chatting with me about anything and everything at the end of the appointment. Thank you for this small show of human kindness as I had no-one else to talk to at the time.

I would like to thank the paramedics who got to my house in time when I deliberately overdosed and then panicked and called for you before passing out in the doorway waiting for you. Without you guys, I would not be here to type this. I'm sorry that I don't know who you guys were, on account of me being unconscious, but I'd still like to thank you.

Lastly, I'd like to thank some of the doctors and nurses at the local hospital. You gave me another chance at life, one I didn't deserve, and yet here I still am, typing away on various websites and wanking like a madman whenever I get bored. Without your help, I would not be A) on this Earth still, and B) in a relatively well off position. I've still got most of my major motor functions and slowly I'm getting better. My memory is still fucked, but there's not much that anyone can do to repair that due to the years of drug and alcohol abuse.

Oh, and I'd like to thank one of the nurses there too, for having the most amazing pneumatic tits ever. So, thank you for livening my days up in hospital.

I would not like to thank one of the doctors at the hospital though. Specifically the one who when told that I was suicidally depressed, had attempted to do myself in once before the second attempt (this was before my overdose), had a family history of mental illness, and most specifically "That this isn't because of the break-up I had earlier today, this has been happening for far longer than that", immediately says "Oh, it's because of your break up. Go home and come back to your GP in a few days for some anti-depressants." (I paraphrase, I can't remember his exact wording but thats the gist of it) I was not impressed with you. I had been waiting around for hours, which I can understand as at that point I was not deemed to be a high level risk, but to fob me and the notes the GPs office had sent on ahead of me off in about thirty seconds of me seeing you? That was not cool.
(Ghost Atreides enjoying incontestable health benefits on, Thu 11 Mar 2010, 12:53, 1 reply)

Glad you're still here.
Volunteer to help other people. Seriously. Old people, young people, addicts, disabled people, whatever. Between that and regular exercise, they're the most effective anti-depressants I've come across.
( sanityclause is waiting until, Fri 12 Mar 2010, 13:46, closed)